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Rude Valentines Cards

Are you a bit naughty? Looking for something a bit rude for Valentine's day this year. You're definitely in the right place. We have a huge range of rude Valentine's cards to get your loved one blushing this year.

You're probably wondering what we mean by rude Valentine's cards. We don't mean something offensive and horrible, we mean sexual, naughty and really rude Valentine's cards. In this selection we have over 50 cards perfect to suit your partner for Valentine's day.

All of our rude Valentine's cards have been locally sourced from around the UK. We have browsed through the best creators and businesses across the country to find the most unique cards possible. If you would prefer something more general, please check out our blank cards for all occasions.

So you've bought your card but you can't think of the right thing to put inside? We can help, we have a guide which includes over 45 Valentine's messages including some rude ones to suit your card. You have to get Valentine's day right, so make sure you read our post on what not to do on Valentine's day.

Best Fucking Wife Ever - Humorous Valentines Card Best Fucking Wife Ever - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.95
1 in stock
Rude Valentines Card. Certainly a direct kind of humour, hilarious nonetheless. These simple cards let the words speak for themselves.This funny card could also be used for an anniversary or birthday due to it's style. Inside - Blank for your own personal message. Envelope - Brightly Coloured Size - 208 x 148mm Card Type - High Quality Card Publisher - Cheeky Chops
Big Gay, Little Gay - Blank Greeting Card Big Gay, Little Gay - Blank Greeting Card
£2.75
8 in stock
The Big Gay, Little Gay Card is perfect for anyone who is out and proud - or those that should be! Measuring 100 x 210mm, it is printed on high quality 350gsm silk card. A blank canvas inside, it�s perfect for many occasions, and comes with matching pink envelope.
BEAUTIFUL DONG (SPARKLING PERSONALITY) - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Man BEAUTIFUL DONG (SPARKLING PERSONALITY) - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Man
£2.85
4 in stock
Buddy Fernandez cards - they say it like it is. And this range, called Babbling, are bright, bold and clear! They are sized at 155 x 155mm, come with a bright yellow envelope and are blank inside for your own message. Printed on FSC certified sustainable card.
My Special Place - Humorous Love Related Greeting Card My Special Place - Humorous Love Related Greeting Card
£2.85
4 in stock
Say it like it is - with this hilarious love related card Inside - Blank inside for your own personal message Envelope - Plain White Envelope Size - 145mm Sqaure Card Type - FSC mix from responsible sources Publisher - Buddy Fernandez.
BANGIN BOOBS ARE A WELCOME BONUS - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Woman BANGIN BOOBS ARE A WELCOME BONUS - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Woman
£2.85
4 in stock
Buddy Fernandez cards - they say it like it is. And this range, called Babbling, are bright, bold and clear! They are sized at 155 x 155mm, come with a bright yellow envelope and are blank inside for your own message. Printed on FSC certified sustainable card.
BENT - Humorous Blank Greeting Card BENT - Humorous Blank Greeting Card
£2.75
15 in stock
Measuring 100 x 210mm, it is printed on high quality 350gsm silk card. A blank canvas inside, it�s perfect for many occasions, and comes with matching pink envelope.
Fancy The Shit Out Of You - Humorous Valentines Card Fancy The Shit Out Of You - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.85
2 in stock
Say it like it is - with this hilarious Valentines day card Inside - Blank inside for your own personal message Envelope - Plain White Envelope Size - 145mm Sqaure Card Type - FSC mix from responsible sources Publisher - Buddy Fernandez.
Fuck Valentines Day - Premium Handmade Valentines Card Fuck Valentines Day - Premium Handmade Valentines Card
£5.00
£4.75
3 in stock
A fantastic and unique product from our friends at Fracas Studios, who make superb greetings cards and gifts based on everyday and yesteryear items. Superbly unique and bound to raise a smile.
Give Me Wood - Rude Greeting Card Give Me Wood - Rude Greeting Card
£2.60
36 in stock
Be straight up! (Excuse the boner pun) This rude card can be used for so many different occasions... Valentines, Anniversary & Birthday to name a few. Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - High quality matching envelope Size - 150mm square Card Type - Printed on luxury textured 300gsm board. Publisher - Bawdy Designs
How Big Are You? - Adult Greeting Card How Big Are You? - Adult Greeting Card
£2.75
15 in stock
Just How Big Are You? See how your partner stacks up with this cheeky card. Measuring 100 x 210mm, it is printed on high quality 350gsm silk card. A blank canvas inside, it�s perfect for many occasions, and comes with matching pink envelope.
I Frickin Love You - Love Related Card I Frickin Love You - Love Related Card
£2.85
4 in stock
Say it like it is - with this hilariously unrude Greetings card for a loved one.This card could suit a variety of occasions such as a Birthday, Anniversary, Valentines or even as a thank you card! This is the clean version... Inside - Blank inside for your own personal message Envelope - Plain White Envelope Size - 145mm Sqaure Card Type - FSC mix from responsible sources Publisher - Buddy Fernand…
Not Giving You A Blowie - Humorous Greetings Card Not Giving You A Blowie - Humorous Greetings Card
£2.85
8 in stock
Say it like it is - with this hilariously rude greetings card for any occasion Inside - Blank inside for your own personal message Envelope - Plain White Envelope Size - 145mm Sqaure Card Type - FSC mix from responsible sources Publisher - Buddy Fernandez.
On My Fucket List - Humorous Valentines Card On My Fucket List - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.85
5 in stock
Hilarious puns, Hilarious images, May be slightly rude. The funniest Valentines Cards Inside - Blank for your own personal mesage. Envelope - Colourful Envelope Size - 105 x 150mm Card Type - FSC Certified from responsible sources Publisher - KissMeKwik
Ride You Like A Stolen Bike - Funny Valentines Card Ride You Like A Stolen Bike - Funny Valentines Card
£2.75
1 in stock
Hilarious Puns and Funny Jokes are the aim with this brillaint range of Valentine's Day Cards. * Some cards may be a little rude. Inside - Blank for your own personal Message Envelope - Bright Yellow Size - 150mm Square Card Type - High quality hammered cardstock Publisher - Pack A Punch
You Are The Champion Of The Motherfucking Universe You Are The Champion Of The Motherfucking Universe
£2.85
2 in stock
This humorous birthday card is from Redback Cards and has a lovely soft touch feel.  From the New Modern Disaster range, these are simple yet effective takes on key occasions! Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Kraft Brown Envelope Size - 120 x 170mm Card Type - Soft Touch Finish Publisher - Redback Cards
You Make Me Moist - Humorous Love Related Greeting Card You Make Me Moist - Humorous Love Related Greeting Card
£2.85
2 in stock
Say it like it is - with this hilarious love related card Inside - Blank for your own personal message. Envelope - Plain White Envelope Size - 145mm Sqaure Card Type - FSC mix from responsible sources Publisher - Buddy Fernandez.
Always Love Boobs - Funny Love Related Card Always Love Boobs - Funny Love Related Card
£2.75
2 in stock
Unbelievable range of the most rude cards on the web! If you don't get offended by any of these words then we take our hat off to you because we definitely don't! Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - High quality kraft Size - 104mm x 148mm Card Type - FSC mix board from responsible sources Publisher - Sweary Card Co
Anniversary Text Speak - Unusual Valentines Card Anniversary Text Speak - Unusual Valentines Card
£2.75
2 in stock
The Text Card is a fun way to personalise your cards. Write your message, and the response you most want to hear in the text bubbles.  Measuring 100 x 210mm, it is printed on high quality 350gsm silk card. A blank canvas inside, it’s perfect for many occasions, and comes with matching pink envelope.
BEAUTIFUL DONG (SENSE OF HUMOUR) - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Man BEAUTIFUL DONG (SENSE OF HUMOUR) - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Man
£2.85
2 in stock
Buddy Fernandez cards - they say it like it is. And this range, called Babbling, are bright, bold and clear! They are sized at 155 x 155mm, come with a bright yellow envelope and are blank inside for your own message. Printed on FSC certified sustainable card.
Big Boy - Humorous Blank Greeting Card Big Boy - Humorous Blank Greeting Card
£2.40
5 in stock
Published by Blunt Cards, these are exactly that - blunt! Inside - Blank inside for your own message (blunt or otherwise) Envelope - Matching Envelope Size - 170 x 120 mm Card Type - FSC accredited board Publisher - Blunt Cards
Boring Friday Nights - Funny Greetings Card Boring Friday Nights - Funny Greetings Card
£2.85
9 in stock
This funny greeting card is from their popular Forest Friends range. This range is based around a rude version of the Sylvanian Family. They feature the characters whilst changing the situation they are in to be a rude one... Rude Sylvanian Families? What can't you like in a funny card like this? Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Kraft Brown Size - 150 x 150mm Card Type - Pre…
Dinner For Two - Humourous Valentines Card Dinner For Two - Humourous Valentines Card
£2.85
7 in stock
This funny Valentines card is pretty straight to the point and self-explanatory! Extremely rude and we absolutely love it Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Beautiful Sunset Orange Envelope & Cello wrapped Size - 105 x 150mm Card Type - Premium Quality 350 GSM Card Publisher - Cardshit (pronounced Cards-Hit, of course)
Happy Valentine Sex God Husband - Humorous Valentines Card Happy Valentine Sex God Husband - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.75
3 in stock
Super funny cards that range from the silliest of puns to some that are so blunt and rude they are sure to make you blush, even when buying them. a plucking good card to give to that special person! Inside - Blank inside so you can add your own pleasantries (or should that be pheasantries...?!) Envelope - Kraft Brown Size - 105 x 148mm Card Type - High Quality Board Publisher - Pheasant Plucker De…
Happy Valentines Day To You & Your Resting Bitch Face - Rude Valentines Day Card Happy Valentines Day To You & Your Resting Bitch Face - Rude Valentines Day Card
£2.75
3 in stock
This great card is from publisher Banter Cards and needs very little explanation! A great Valentines Day card for that special person! The card is sized at 105 x 150mm and comes complete with coloured envelope, cello-wrapped. Its blank inside for you to add your own words.
I Love You Sexy Fucker (Red) - Rude Anniversary Card I Love You Sexy Fucker (Red) - Rude Anniversary Card
£2.85
1 in stock
This funny anniversary card is pretty straight to the point and self-explanatory! Extremely rude and we absolutely love it Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Beautiful Sunset Orange Envelope & Cello wrapped Size - 105 x 150mm Card Type - Premium Quality 350 GSM Card Publisher - Cardshit (pronounced Cards-Hit, of course)
Its Valentines Any Chance Of Anal (#happyvalentines) - Humourous Valentines Card Its Valentines Any Chance Of Anal (#happyvalentines) - Humourous Valentines Card
£2.85
3 in stock
This funny Valentines card is pretty straight to the point and self-explanatory! Extremely rude and we absolutely love it Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Beautiful Sunset Orange Envelope & Cello wrapped Size - 105 x 150mm Card Type - Premium Quality 350 GSM Card Publisher - Cardshit (pronounced Cards-Hit, of course)
Let The Pink See The Stink - Humorous Valentines Day Card Let The Pink See The Stink - Humorous Valentines Day Card
£2.85
2 in stock
Say it like it is - with this hilarious Valentines day card Inside - Blank inside for your own personal message Envelope - Plain White Envelope Size - 145mm Sqaure Card Type - FSC mix from responsible sources Publisher - Buddy Fernandez.
Lets Wine Dine And 69 - Humorous Love Related Card Lets Wine Dine And 69 - Humorous Love Related Card
£2.85
2 in stock
Super funny cards that range from the silliest of puns to some that are so blunt and rude they are sure to make you blush, even when buying them. a plucking good card to give to that special person! Inside - Blank inside so you can add your own pleasantries (or should that be pheasantries...?!) Envelope - Kraft Brown Size - 105 x 148mm Card Type - High Quality Board Publisher - Pheasant Plucker De…
Lick My Lolly - Valentines Day Card Lick My Lolly - Valentines Day Card
£2.75
7 in stock
The Lolly Card is fun for boys and girls. Embrace your cheeky side and let someone know how you feel at the same time. We find this card particularly effective if you attach a really lolly! Measuring 100 x 210mm, it is printed on high quality 350gsm silk card. A blank canvas inside, it�s perfect for many occasions, and comes with matching pink envelope.
Little Pecker - Humorous Valentines Card Little Pecker - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.95
1 in stock
Little Pecker - Humorous Valentines Card . Dave the Eagle pokes fun at everyone (that probably means you) in a light-hearted, non-hateful way aka - and we quote Dave himself - poorly drawn, filthy doodles designed in the worst possible taste to put a smile on your ugly fucking mugs! These greetings cards contain explicit wording, scenes of nudity and graphic filth. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! As Dave sa…
LOVELY BOOBS (CRACKING PERSONALITY) - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Woman LOVELY BOOBS (CRACKING PERSONALITY) - Funny Love Related Greeting Card For A Woman
£2.85
4 in stock
Buddy Fernandez cards - they say it like it is. And this range, called Babbling, are bright, bold and clear! They are sized at 155 x 155mm, come with a bright yellow envelope and are blank inside for your own message. Printed on FSC certified sustainable card.
Nice Meal And Mandatory Shag Day - Humourous Valentines Card Nice Meal And Mandatory Shag Day - Humourous Valentines Card
£2.85
1 in stock
This funny Valentines card is pretty straight to the point and self-explanatory! Extremely rude and we absolutely love it Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Beautiful Sunset Orange Envelope & Cello wrapped Size - 105 x 150mm Card Type - Premium Quality 350 GSM Card Publisher - Cardshit (pronounced Cards-Hit, of course)
One Of A Kind (Who Would Make More Yous) - Funny Greetings Card One Of A Kind (Who Would Make More Yous) - Funny Greetings Card
£2.85
6 in stock
Entertaining card from our friends at Objectables. Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope -  Brightly Coloured Size 125 x 175mm Card Type - 300gsm matt card Publisher - Objectables
Randy Land - Humorous Valentines Card Randy Land - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.75
9 in stock
Take your loved one to Randy Land... These quirky, funny cards are from our new publisher friend Likks - who is based in Creaseds home town of Brighton. Sized at 150 x 105mm they come with a white envelope and are blank inside for your own words
Roses Are Red - Humorous Valentines Card Roses Are Red - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.95
3 in stock
Rude Humour Valentines Card. Certainly a direct kind of humour, hilarious nonetheless. These simple cards let the words speak for themselves. Inside - Blank for your own personal message. Envelope - Brightly Coloured Size - 208 x 148mm Card Type - High Quality Card Publisher - Cheeky Chops
Sex With Your Friend - Humorous Valentines Card Sex With Your Friend - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.40
3 in stock
Published by Blunt Cards, these are exactly that - blunt! from the Letterword Range Inside - Blank inside for your own message (blunt or otherwise) Envelope - Matching Envelope Size - 170 x 120 mm Card Type - FSC accredited board Publisher - Blunt Cards
Thanks For Swallowing - Rude Valentines Card Thanks For Swallowing - Rude Valentines Card
£2.75
6 in stock
Hilarious Puns and Funny Jokes are the aim with this brillaint range of Valentine's Day Cards. * Some cards may be a little rude. Inside - Blank for your own personal Message Envelope - Bright Yellow Size - 150mm Square Card Type - High quality hammered cardstock Publisher - Pack A Punch
Valentines Romantic Meal - Humorous Valentines Card Valentines Romantic Meal - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.75
9 in stock
Valentines - Brilliant take on Modern Toss' hilarious range of greetings cards. This will make anyone giggle. Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Brightly Coloured Size - 128 X 172 mm Card Type - FSC Certified. Publisher - Modern Toss
We Stick Together Valentine -Rude Valentines Card We Stick Together Valentine -Rude Valentines Card
£2.95
7 in stock
Rude Humour Valentines Card. Certainly a direct kind of humour, hilarious nonetheless. These simple cards let the words speak for themselves. Inside - Blank for your own personal message. Envelope - Brightly Coloured Size - 208 x 148mm Card Type - High Quality Card Publisher - Cheeky Chops
You Don’t Suck But I Do - Humorous Valentines Card You Don’t Suck But I Do - Humorous Valentines Card
£2.95
1 in stock
Rude Humour Valentines Card. Certainly a direct kind of humour, hilarious nonetheless. These simple cards let the words speak for themselves. Inside - Blank for your own personal message. Envelope - Brightly Coloured Size - 208 x 148mm Card Type - High Quality Card Publisher - Cheeky Chops
You Kinky Bitch - Humourous Valentines Card You Kinky Bitch - Humourous Valentines Card
£2.75
7 in stock
These great Humourous Valentines Cards from How Funny are simple but impactful with their bright hand drawn illustrations and quirky humour. Give that special someone a giggle this Valentines Day. Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Matching envelope Size - 105 x 150mm Card Type - High quality from responsible sources Publisher - How Funny
You Make Me A Tingly Mess - Humorous Love Related Card You Make Me A Tingly Mess - Humorous Love Related Card
£2.85
1 in stock
Super funny cards that range from the silliest of puns to some that are so blunt and rude they are sure to make you blush, even when buying them. a plucking good card to give to that special person! Inside - Blank inside so you can add your own pleasantries (or should that be pheasantries...?!) Envelope - Kraft Brown Size - 105 x 148mm Card Type - High Quality Board Publisher - Pheasant Plucker De…
Your Nob Does The Job - Humourous Valentines Card Your Nob Does The Job - Humourous Valentines Card
£2.85
5 in stock
This funny Valentines card is pretty straight to the point and self-explanatory! Extremely rude and we absolutely love it Inside - Blank for your own personal message Envelope - Beautiful Sunset Orange Envelope & Cello wrapped Size - 105 x 150mm Card Type - Premium Quality 350 GSM Card Publisher - Cardshit (pronounced Cards-Hit, of course)

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