What to write in a Birthday card? – 60 Birthday Card Messages

You’re struggling for what to write in a Birthday card aren’t you? Well, you probably wouldn’t be here if you had already written it.

So, you must be sitting, staring at the 10th birthday card you have bought this year already. Pondering whether you should put the same message in this card as you have done in the last 9 cards.

Don’t be that guy/girl!

It is boring and looks like you have put no effort into the Birthday card, especially if you bought a generic, unexciting card from your local supermarket.

Spice it up a bit! Firstly, you will need to take time in picking the best / funniest card for your recipient. It is a dull moment when you open a card on your 30th birthday which blankly reads “Happy Birthday”.

Choose an exciting & unique Birthday card.

Now our little rant is out of the way, we will get onto the most personal part of giving someone a Birthday card… What to write inside!

We will start off with a few classics that you have read a hundred times.

  • Happy Birthday
  • I hope you have a great Birthday
  • Have a wonderful day
  • HB – Simply, do not do this one, even if you are writing on Facebook
  • Wishes on your Birthday
  • Lots of love on your Birthday

Do you see what we mean? You have either written these messages a million times or you have received them in cards. But you already knew those, we’re here to give you something new and unique.

Although there is nothing wrong with the above, these are probably suited to work colleagues or people you don’t know very well.

We’ll start by giving you some loving Birthday card messages. Or wet as we would like to call them.

These are the type of messages you may send to a close family member or friend:

  • Happy Birthday to the friend (family member) I couldn’t live without!
  • Another year has passed being the best friend I could ask for.
  • Thinking of you on your Birthday, hoping you have the best day for the best person
  • Here is to you getting older and wiser!
  • Happy Birthday to my favourite person, dearest friend, closest companion, and love of my life!
  • Good things happen to good people! Have an amazing day.
  • Happy birthday to someone who is forever young.
  • I Hope These Brighten Your Day, As You Always Brighten Mine. (With flowers)
  • May this special day bring you joy and happiness.
  • Wishing you nothing but love & special moments all day long!

As you can see, they are very loving and quite sweet! Great for close friends or family members.

While we are on the subject of sweet and loving birthday messages, we may as well get the cringey ones out of the way. Can you guess who these are going to be targeted towards?

You guessed it! It’s for the lovers!

A lot of these are going to be quite similar to the valentine’s card messages blog post we did in February. You can find over 45 card messages for your spouse.

We will give you 10 different messages to tease you anyway…

  • May your birthday be as sunny as your smile, and as beautiful as you are! Today you shine the brightest. Happy Birthday
  • I wish your birthday is as beautiful and full of love as you are. You deserve only the best
  • I am so happy we can spend another birthday together. Here’s to the next! Happy birthday
  • You are the best thing that happened in my life, and I wish you the very best birthday
  • Thank you for bringing so much happiness to my life. I hope you have a happy birthday.
  • Happy birthday to the best (Boyfriend Wife etc) in the world. I wanted to plan you a surprise birthday party but we both know I can’t keep a secret.
  • Happy Birthday to the hottest (Insert Girlfriend etc) in town. They have got nothing on you!
  • I’m not clingy, I just never want to let you out of my sight…ever! Have a happy birthday, (Insert pet name)!
  • Happy birthday from you last (Husband etc) you will have. To many more Birthday’s!
  • Happy Birthday (Pet name)! in case you didn’t already know… I really, really like you.

Cringey weren’t they?

We’re fed up of the nice & loving Birthday messages now. It’s time for some good old laughter don’t you think?

Here are our favourite 25 funny Birthday card messages. We guarantee you will find something for your birthday card in this section. Unless you are boring…

  • What’s the use of a lighter? We are going to need a flame thrower to light all of those candles.
  • Enjoy the wrinkles!
  • One year closer to pushing up daisies.
  • You can do anything when you put your mind to it, except get younger.
  • Don’t think of another Birthday as getting older, think of it as becoming vintage.
  • You are officially at an age where you have to scroll a fair bit down to find your age when filling out forms.
  • You’re old enough to know better… than to expect any present from me.
  • You should be happy you are approaching OAP age.  This year you are wiser, smarter and very close to reaping the benefits of senior discounts at restaurants.
  • You’re going to need a fireman hose to put out all those candles.
  • Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
  • You’re a hard person to shop for, so I didn’t get you anything.
  • Two tips on your birthday this year 1) Forget the past, you can’t change it 2) Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.
  • You’re not old until you can’t read this anymore (Write this is small text so they have to get their reading glasses out)
  • Happy Birthday! You’re one step closer to being dead!
  • Have you got your pensioners bus pass yet?
  • You have reached the age where all compliments come with the ending “for someone your age”
  • Happy birthday to you
    You live in a zoo
    You look like a monkey
    And you smell like one too – Old time classic from primary school!
  • Mid life crisis just around the corner… Happy Birthday!
  • You’re turning … which means it’s probably time for some Botox
  • You’re at the age where your memory is fading, did I need to remind you of your age today?
  • We get it, you’re young at heart, because you certainly don’t look it
  • It’s time to stop lying about your age and embrace becoming elderly
  • Is it bad to say that I thought you were older than you are?
  • As another year passes by, another part of your body starts to fall apart.
  • Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it

What did you think of those?

We hope you could include some of our funny birthday messages in a birthday card, make sure you personalise them to your recipients liking. We are just here to provide you with ideas.

As you can tell, there is a common theme among most funny birthday messages. Which is abusing someone about their age. But maybe the above greetings might be a little too innocent for your liking?

Don’t worry we have got you covered; you should know how much we like our rude humour.

Let’s get into 9 rude birthday messages to write in your cards;

  • Happy Birthday you (insert rude word), you’re old as fuck!
  • It may be your birthday but I’m doing fuck all for you
  • It’s now time to grow the fuck up, you child
  • You’re turning (age) but you’re still a massive cunt
  • That makes it 40 years since you have touched your mum’s vagina
  • Your mum should have just swallowed you!
  • (how many years they have been alive) and 9 months ago, your Dad was ploughing into your mum… I just wanted to remind you of that
  • Happy Birthday! Your tits will now begin to get saggy
  • Happy Birthday! Say goodbye to a happily working penis

We hope the above suit your disgusting humour. Rude card messages can be fairly easy to come up with if you know the right type of words to use. Because you can make every funny card message into a rude one if you know how.

We are lucky and can take inspiration from our huge range of rude cards but if you need a little bit of help you can check the Cheeky Chops & Carshit cards below which are great examples of how to insult someone on their birthday.