Funny but bad Dad Jokes for Father’s Day 2021
Whether you have a grumpy one, a middle-aged one who thinks they are still in their 20s or a downright diamond dude for a dad, we hope you find the right way to wish them a Happy Father’s Day with our ‘What to write in a Father’s Day card’ blog!
If you are looking for the best dad jokes, corny dad jokes or even down right dirty and rude dad jokes, you have come to the right place. This blog features over 150 Dad Jokes that will have you rolling your eyes, cringing or laughing your head off, and every facial expression in between.
The last 12 months have been a crazy time with many changes, challenges and commotions to events on the calendar. One thing that is constant is the yearly occasion of Father’s Day each June.
But Dad jokes aren’t just for Father’s day, for our Dad’s they are an everyday occurrence. They would tell you some sort of bad dad joke daily if they could. But we can’t allow that, constant cringing and shouting “not another one” has to be limited.
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What are Dad jokes?
Dad jokes are a type of joke that gets a groan and a grumble rather than a belly laugh. They are usually unfunny but make you want to smile because of how awful they were.
Funnily enough, the exact definition of a “Dad Joke” is “an unoriginal or unfunny joke of a type supposedly told by middle-aged or older men.” Which is pretty accurate don’t you think?
Dad jokes have a unique ability to bring strangers in a room together through an uncomfortable collective thought of ‘What is this guy on about?. If you’ve ever cleared a room by telling a joke you thought was hilarious, then you’ve probably just told a dad joke.
What makes a joke a Dad joke?
These jokes don’t even have to be told by a dad or a middle aged man as said in the definition, although the best deliverers of this style of joke come from fathers themselves.
Anyone can make a dad joke as long as they adhere to three basic principles. At Creased we have honed these three ‘Dad Joke Principles’ over years of seeing and hearing the best, we mean the worst, dad jokes around.
(Why not buy good ole Dad some lovely choccies for Father’s Day or his birthday? We love the chocolates from Leonidas…)
How to tell a dad joke – The Dad Joke Principles
- Be ready to strike – whack your joke out at the first sniff of ambiguous context, or better still, when the link is so tenuous that people get truly perplexed as to what goes on in that head of yours.
- Start laughing or grinning before you’ve finished delivering the joke – like you just can’t contain your pride over reciting such a fantastic joke.
- Finally, and most importantly, it has to be terrible – to the point where other people have to point you to the definition of ‘humour’ in the dictionary.
Dad jokes don’t have to be limited to just telling them in person, some of the greatest deliveries of Dad jokes come over text or in a fathers day card.
Putting a Dad joke in a father’s day card, or texting him one on Father’s day or his birthday is a great way to get him giggling on the special day. When telling a dad joke, it’s like entering their world, they absolutely love it! We’d definitely suggest including one this father’s day.
Best bad Dad Jokes
Let’s face it, all Dad jokes are bad, it’s just that some are much worse than others. Therefore this list is just the beginning, but we have started with the bad dad jokes below. Typically, these bad Dad jokes feature some awfully cringey puns about food day to day items or just general life.
Be prepared to read the list below, if you are not a middle aged Dad or man then you might not laugh at these… but this isn’t for you!
- Q: Why are balloons so expensive?A: Inflation.
- Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?A: Nacho cheese!
- Q: What side of a tree grows the most branches?A: The outside!
- Q: Why did an old man fall in a well?A: Because he couldn’t see that well!
- Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?A: A fsh.
- Q: What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?A: Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
- Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?A: They work on many levels.
- Q: Why are peppers the best at archery?A: Because they habanero.
- Q: Why did the computer get mad at the printer?A: Because it didn’t like its toner voice.
- Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?A: Because he Neverlands.
- Q: What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?A: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
- Q: What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?A: Live stream it.
- Q: Why did the broom decide to go to bed?A: It was very sweepy.
- Q: Why are nurses always running out of red crayons?A: Because they often have to draw blood.
- Q: Did you hear about the square that got into a car accident?A: Yeah, now he’s a rect-angle!
- Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?A: Toad.
- Q: How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?A: It is either one or the utter.
- Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.
- Q: Why can’t you ever run through a campsite? A: You can only ran — it’s always past tents.
- Q: Why was the woman afraid for the calendar?A: She said its days were numbered.
- Q: Why is it hard to understand volunteers?A: Because they make no cents.
- Q: Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?A: It’s a big waist of space.
Corny Dad jokes
All dad jokes are corny, but this list we have created below takes it to a whole new level.
Dad’s are the definition of corny and when you add their Dad jokes, sometimes it can be unbearable. Give him a taste of his own medicine with 40 of these corny dad jokes below.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
- Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The Space Bar.
- I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
- Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
- I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
- Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
- “Cop: I’m arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.” Man: “Wait! I can explain everything!”
- My friend couldn’t afford to pay his bill, so I sent him a “Get Well Soon” card.
- I’m Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
- Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because they had a fight and 2021.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
- I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.
- In 2017 I didn’t do a marathon. I didn’t do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke.
- Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.
- Ever since we started quarantining, I’ve only been telling inside jokes.
- If you’re feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It’ll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
- My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. “Sure,” I said. “My door is always open.”
- My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
- A century ago, two brothers decided it was possible to fly. And as you can see, they were Wright.
- I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
- Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.
- “Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
- I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
- How come the Hulk doesn’t lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.
- I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
- I just spent $300 on a limo and learned it doesn’t come with a driver. I can’t believe I have nothing to chauffer it.
- What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
- I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
- Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
- What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
- A buddy asked how many fish I caught. I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.
- How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer will shock you!
- How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.
- I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there’s a salad dressing.
- I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn’t work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.
- What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
- Lance isn’t that common a name these days, but in medieval times, they were called lance-a-lot.
- I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel.
She said I won’t be able to make it.
Knock Knock Dad jokes
Knock knock jokes are a primary weapon in the Dad’s inventory. Awkward silence at dinner; knock knock dad joke, someone’s birthday, knock knock dad joke. But let’s be honest we always love a knock knock joke every now and again so you should like our list below but if you fancy something a bit ruder, check out our rude knock knock jokes.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Taco. Taco who? Taco to you later. It’s taking too long for you to open the door.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m fine, Hawaii you?
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking me so many questions?
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Nana. Nana who? Nana your business.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Hatch. Hatch who? God bless you.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Mustache. Mustache who? Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Amish. Amish who? Really? You don’t look like a shoe.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Gorilla. Gorilla who? Gorilla me a hamburger.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Turnip. Turnip who? Turnip the volume, I love this song!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Daisy! Daisy who? Daisy me rollin, they hatin’.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Aida. Aida who? Aida sandwich for lunch today.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Cargo. Cargo who? No, car go “beep beep”!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Icing. Icing who? Icing so loud, the neighbors can hear.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the trunk, you pack the suitcase.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who? Cereal pleasure to meet you!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Dang! All this time, I had no idea you could yodel.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Keith! Keith who? Keith me, my thweet preenth!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in it’s cold out here.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my bubble gum!
Funny Dad Jokes for Kids
Dad jokes are typically for then older generation, but you might be here wanting to hit him with a Dad joke. We’ve listed 25 Dad jokes for Kids to tell their Dad below. We’d advise yo are prepared with a couple of jokes in case he’s heard the first one before (this is a very likely situation).
- Mum said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
- I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.
- I have a joke about butter, but I’m not going to spread it.
- What did the police officer say to the belly button? You’re under a vest.
- How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
- I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
- Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed!
- Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged
- Where do sheep go to get haircuts? The baa-baa shop
- What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we’ll go places together
- How do mountains stay warm in winter? Snowcaps
- Why do we never tell jokes about pizza? They’re too cheesy
- I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it’ll get a reaction
- Kid: Dad, can you make me a sandwich? Dad: Poof! You’re a sandwich.
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
- What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you!
- How do all the oceans say hello to each other? They wave!
- What’s an alligator in a vest called? An investi-gator
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why did Darth Vader turn off one light? He prefers it on the dark side
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? They’re always stuffed!
- What happened after the shark got famous? He became a starfish.
- Why was the broom late for school? It overswept!
- Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut? So he could visit Pluto!
- Why is Cinderella so bad at playing football? She runs away from the ball
Our favourite Dad jokes
Before we move onto the rude dad jokes, we are going to give a list of some of our personal favourite Dad jokes. As you can expect, we have exposure to A LOT of Dad jokes working for a card retailer, so we have compiled 25 of our favourites below.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
- I thought about going on an all almond diet, but that’s just nuts
- Can February March? No, but April May
- If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese
- “What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
- I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
- Have you ever tried to eat a clock? Its very time consuming.
- A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one-night stand.
- My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So, I had to put my foot down
- What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
- What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
- I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
- CASHIER: “Would you like the milk in a bag, Sir?” DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- My chemistry set blew up, I guess oxidants happen.
- Dad I’m hungry … “Hi hungry” I’m Dad
- Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
- Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- The only thing worse than having diarrhoea is having to spell it.
Rude and Dirty Dad Jokes
If you know us, you’d know we love rude cards, we even have a huge section of our shop dedicated to them. Every weekend you’ll find swarms of Dads going straight to the back of the shop to have a giggle at our rude cards.
We even have an article dedicated to rude jokes, but in this list we are focusing on rude dad jokes. This section might not be something you’ll put in your Dads father’s day card, but rather something that a wife or friend might include. We would definitely suggest you are careful with how you use these rude dad jokes.
- Q. Why are men like diapers? A. They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
- Q. What did one butt cheek say to the other? A. Together, we can stop this shit.
- Q. What kind of Bees produce milk? A. Boobees
- Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. Cover me, I’m going in
- Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum
- Q. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? A. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.
- Q. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A. Thanks for coming!
- Q. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
- Q. How is a boyfriend/girlfriend like a laxative? A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
- Q. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A. Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
- Q. What did the penis say to the vagina? A. Don’t make me come in there!
- Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A. Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
- Q. I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with. A. She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”
- Q. Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. A. Thank you all for coming.
- Q. They say make up sex is the best… A. Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
- Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest kids? A. Ask your mum!
- Q. Whats 72? A. 69 with three people watching.