Funny Adult Jokes – 60 Rude Jokes

We all love a good laugh, no matter the occasion. As we get old, we start to find the “clean jokes” less funny as we begin to take on a much more adult humour therefore, we begin to prefer funny adult jokes.

We’re not saying you should drop the childish jokes because we find them absolutely hilarious as well but as you get older, the adult funny jokes may be the more appropriate and enjoyable option.

If you are a bit innocent, then you may not know what is to be expected from an adult joke. Expect sexual jokes and offensive humour. Although we will leave the more disgusting and horrible humour to the darker places of the web…

We prefer things much more cheerful!

Our best rude jokes can be used in a number of situations… We think they could work perfectly inside a greeting card, a casual joke to your friend or you could even risk it and use some as pickup lines… We will let you decide!

As we enter our huge list of funny adult jokes, we would like to warn you of rude language and a lot of sexual innuendos…

Let’s start off with the short rude jokes, shall we?

Woman putting up middle fingers - Funny adult jokes - rude jokes

Short Adult Jokes

  1. Q. Why are men like diapers? A. They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
  2. Q. What did one butt cheek say to the other? A. Together, we can stop this shit.
  3. Q. What kind of Bees produce milk? A. Boobees
  4. Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. Cover me, I’m going in
  5. Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum
  6. Q. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? A. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.
  7. Q. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A. Thanks for coming!
  8. Q. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
  9. Q. How is a boyfriend/girlfriend like a laxative? A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
  10. Q. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A. Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
  11. Q. What did the penis say to the vagina? A. Don’t make me come in there!
  12. Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A. Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
  13. Q. I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with. A. She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”
  14. Q. Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. A. Thank you all for coming.
  15. Q. They say make up sex is the best… A. Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
  16. Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest kids? A. Ask your mum!
  17. Q. Whats 72? A. 69 with three people watching.
  18. Q. How is sex like air? A. It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
  19. Q. What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A. They are both meat substitutes.
  20. Q. What comes after 69? A. mouthwash.
  21. Q. How can you tell if your husband is dead? A. The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
  22. Q. How do you make a pool table laugh? A. Tickle its balls.
  23. Q. What does a perverted frog say? A. Rubbit
  24. Q. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A. I want you inside me!
  25. Q. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A. I want you inside me!
  26. Q. What do you call an expert fisherman? A. A Master Baiter
  27. Q. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A. Beat it. We’re closed.
  28. Q. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? A. He only comes once a year.
  29. Q. What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? A. Lettuce alone without dressing.
  30. Q. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A. To get to the bottom

What do you think of those short rude jokes?

Obviously rude jokes come in all shapes and sizes and we have plenty more to show you… Next up, rude chat up lines…

Sexual innuendos are perfect to randomly say in day to day life or to use as a chat up line… We suggest you be careful with how these are used with people you aren’t too close with. You don’t want to be called the “Office perv” or anything do you?

So please, don’t use these to be weird with people. Use these sexual jokes to make your friends laugh!

So, let’s dive in!

Rude Sexual Jokes

  • Is your name Tanya? Cuz I’m gonna tan ya ass.
  • Are you a termite? Cause you’re about to have a mouth full of wood.
  • I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
  • I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.
  • Do you want to come to my time machine? We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70
  • Let’s play carpenter. First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
  • If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
  • Are you my new boss? Because you just gave me a raise.
  • I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
  • Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
Shocked man - Funny adult jokes - rude jokes

We thought we would just give you a small taster for the funny adult jokes that can be used as chatup lines…

Although adult jokes are meant for well, adults… We all love a knock knock joke don’t we? No matter the age…

Immature yet rude. There is no better mix to get someone giggling…

Rude Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, Knock!
Who's There?
Howie!
Howie who?
Howie gonna hide this dead body?
Knock Knock! 
Who's There?
May I come in?
May I come in who?
May I come in you!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Ivana.
Ivana who?
Ivana fuck your brains out.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Dover.
Dover who?
Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!
Knock Knock 
Who's there?
Iguana
Iguana Who?
Iguana touch your buttcrack!
Knock knock! 
Whos There?
Phil
Phil Who?
Phil McCrackin
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Cam.
Cam who?
Camel toe… do you have any pants I can borrow?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Some!
Some who?
Some dickhead talking to a knock knock joke.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Some.
Some who?
Some bitch telling you a fucking knock, knock joke!
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Asshole!
Asshole who?
Open the door and find out asshole!

What’s your thought on those?

To end off our blog on funny adult jokes. We are going to give you some of the funniest rude insults that we are sure you have never heard of before…

These insults could be used on anyone you would like to insult in a brand-new way. Who knows it might even get them giggling…?

P.S. we do not support using these in mean or vulgar ways… Use them in a jokey way!

Rude Insults

  • Bespawler – Old English word for someone who spits while they talk.
  • Bobolyne – Old English word for fool
  • Mumpsimus – A stubborn person who in spite of being shown it is wrong.
  • Dingbat – A stupid person
  • Bonehead – A stupid person

If those are a bit too unique for you, you could always just turn back to the ruder insults.

  • Twat
  • Wanker
  • Cunt
  • Fucker
  • Bitch

This list could go on, but we are sure you know all of these already!

You can find the full list of old English insults at mentalfloss.

All these funny adult jokes and offensive insults would be perfect to stick inside an even ruder greeting card, don’t you think?

Cum Dump - Rude Greeting Card
Cunt - Rude Greeting Card

You can more of our Rude greeting cards on our site. Put your jokes inside!

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