Shocked man - funny adult jokes -rude jokes

Funny Adult Jokes – 90 Rude Jokes

We all love a good laugh, no matter the occasion. As we get old, we start to find the “clean jokes” less funny as we begin to take on a much more adult humour therefore, we begin to prefer funny adult jokes.

We’re not saying you should drop the childish jokes, because we find them absolutely hilarious as well. But as you get older, the adult funny jokes may be the more appropriate and enjoyable option.

The rude jokes we cover in this article:

If you are a bit innocent, then you may not know what is to be expected from an adult joke. Expect sexual jokes and offensive humour. Although we will leave the more disgusting and horrible humour to the darker places of the web…

We prefer things much more cheerful!

Our best rude jokes can be used in a number of situations… We think they could work perfectly inside a greeting card, a casual joke to your friend or you could even risk it and use some as pickup lines… We will let you decide!

As we enter our huge list of funny adult jokes, we would like to warn you of rude language and a lot of sexual innuendos…

Let’s start off with the short rude jokes, shall we?

Rude greeting cards

Short Adult Jokes

  • Q. Why are men like diapers? A. They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
  • Q. What did one butt cheek say to the other? A. Together, we can stop this shit.
  • Q. What kind of Bees produce milk? A. Boobees
  • Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. Cover me, I’m going in
  • Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum
  • Q. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? A. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.
  • Q. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? A. Thanks for coming!
  • Q. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
  • Q. How is a boyfriend/girlfriend like a laxative? A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
  • Q. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A. Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
  • Q. What did the penis say to the vagina? A. Don’t make me come in there!
  • Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A. Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
  • Q. I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with. A. She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”
  • Q. Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. A. Thank you all for coming.
  • Q. They say make up sex is the best… A. Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
  • Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest kids? A. Ask your mum!
  • Q. Whats 72? A. 69 with three people watching.
  • Q. How is sex like air? A. It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
  • Q. What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A. They are both meat substitutes.
  • Q. What comes after 69? A. mouthwash.
  • Q. How can you tell if your husband is dead? A. The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
  • Q. How do you make a pool table laugh? A. Tickle its balls.
  • Q. What does a perverted frog say? A. Rubbit
  • Q. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A. I want you inside me!
  • Q. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A. I want you inside me!
  • Q. What do you call an expert fisherman? A. A Master Baiter
  • Q. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A. Beat it. We’re closed.
  • Q. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? A. He only comes once a year.
  • Q. What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? A. Lettuce alone without dressing.
  • Q. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A. To get to the bottom

What do you think of those short rude jokes?

Obviously rude jokes come in all shapes and sizes and we have plenty more to show you… Next up, rude chat up lines…

Sexual innuendos are perfect to randomly say in day to day life or to use as a chat up line… We suggest you be careful with how these are used with people you aren’t too close with. You don’t want to be called the “Office perv” or anything do you?

So please, don’t use these to be weird with people. Use these sexual jokes to make your friends laugh!

So, let’s dive in!

Funny horses - Rude jokes

Rude Sexual Jokes

  • Is your name Tanya? Cuz I’m gonna tan ya ass.
  • Are you a termite? Cause you’re about to have a mouth full of wood.
  • I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
  • I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.
  • Do you want to come to my time machine? We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70
  • Let’s play carpenter. First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
  • If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
  • Are you my new boss? Because you just gave me a raise.
  • I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
  • Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.

We’ve updated this list of sexual jokes. 10 just simply isn’t enough, here are 20 more rude sexual pick up lines that you could use in person or via dating apps.

Tinder Rude Chat up lines

Sexual pick up lines

  • Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.
  • Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
  • I lost my keys… Can I check your underwear?
  • Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
  • I’m not usually into hunting, but I’d love to catch you and mount you all over my house.
  • I’m no weatherman but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
  • Baby, I last longer than a white crayon.
  • (Use index finger to call someone over and then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
  • Do you work at Build-A-Bear? Because I’d stuff you.
  • Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together.
  • Hello, I’m bisexual. I’d like to BUY you a drink… and then get sexual.
  • Do you want to spice up my sex life?
  • Your face reminds me of a wrench; every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.
  • You must be a doctor! You just cured my erectile dysfunction.#
  • Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?
  • Do you want to come to my time machine? We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70.
  • Do you know your ABCs? ‘Cause I wanna give you the fourth letter of the alphabet.
  • I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way and you’ll be lovin’ it.
  • We should play strip poker. You can strip and I’ll poke you.
  • Do you like jalapeños? Because in no time I’ll be jalapeño pussy.

Although adult jokes are meant for well, adults… We all love a knock knock joke don’t we? No matter the age… Immature yet rude. There is no better mix to get someone giggling…

Rude Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, Knock!
Who's There?
Howie!
Howie who?
Howie gonna hide this dead body?
Knock Knock! 
Who's There?
May I come in?
May I come in who?
May I come in you!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Ivana.
Ivana who?
Ivana fuck your brains out.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Dover.
Dover who?
Ben Dover and I’ll give you a big surprise!
Knock Knock 
Who's there?
Iguana
Iguana Who?
Iguana touch your buttcrack!
Knock knock! 
Whos There?
Phil
Phil Who?
Phil McCrackin
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Cam.
Cam who?
Camel toe… do you have any pants I can borrow?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Some!
Some who?
Some dickhead talking to a knock knock joke.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Some.
Some who?
Some bitch telling you a fucking knock, knock joke!
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Asshole!
Asshole who?
Open the door and find out asshole!
Middle finger up! - Offensive jokes

Very Offensive Jokes

We left these offensive jokes until last as these are quite easily our most vulgar out of the bunch. This selection is strictly 18+, and even then, it might be too much for you. Although, as we have already said, we will not dive into an area of edgy jokes as they tend to cross the line and become highly abusive. Instead, we have this selection which highly some offensive jokes which site just before that line.

  • Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.
  • Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”
  • What does tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes
  • What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis? A penis
  • What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? A PDF file
  • How is virginity like a soap bubble? One prick and it’s gone
  • How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.
  • How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
  • What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick
  • I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

To end off our blog on funny adult jokes. We are going to give you some of the funniest rude insults that we are sure you have never heard of before…

These insults could be used on anyone you would like to insult in a brand-new way. Who knows it might even get them giggling…?

P.S. we do not support using these in mean or vulgar ways… Use them in a jokey way!

Rude Insults

  • Bespawler – Old English word for someone who spits while they talk.
  • Bobolyne – Old English word for fool
  • Mumpsimus – A stubborn person who in spite of being shown it is wrong.
  • Dingbat – A stupid person
  • Bonehead – A stupid person

If those are a bit too unique for you, you could always just turn back to the ruder insults.

  • Twat
  • Wanker
  • Cunt
  • Fucker
  • Bitch

This list could go on, but we are sure you know all of these already!

You can find the full list of old English insults at mentalfloss.

All these funny adult jokes and offensive insults would be perfect to stick inside an even rude greeting card, don’t you think?

Recent Posts

Survival tips for Christmas

Christmas Preparation & Budget Tips

Are you completely relaxed and prepared for Christmas? No, of course, you aren’t, none of us are… Don’t let all the stress get you down because it will all be worth it in the end (We hope…). With the correct Christmas preparation, you can do everything you need without getting stressed!

We have compiled a Bear Grylls like survival guide to help you get through the festive season… Whether it’s the irritating drunk relatives or just the sheer fact you have to spend your own money on other people, we have a survival tip to cover just about everything.

We are going to start from the very beginning of the Christmas preparation right through until it’s all over.

Whilst we are making this list to help you avoid a stressful festive season, we still believe that Christmas should not be hard. If you are struggling with money or other issues, you should not feel pressured to provide the perfect Christmas time.

1. Plan Ahead

There is nothing worse than a last-minute rush, especially at a busy time like Christmas. Preparing for Christmas is essential in getting everything you need without having any slip ups.

Planning Christmas Presents

Let’s start by talking about planning Christmas presents. You’ve probably been receiving hints or lists in the build-up to Christmas, so use that useless memory of yours and remember what people ACTUALLY want! Don’t buy something half-assed and put them through the “Oh thank you I absolutely love it” when they are just lying… They hate your present.

You can prevent this failure by asking people what they want for Christmas early. Then at least if you can’t find it or it is sold out, you have the chance to ask them what else they would like and sort out a replacement.

A good way of keeping these ideas is by simply typing them into your notes onto your phone as soon as they mention them. Then you can plan when you are going to get them.

Browse our Christmas cards

Planning your Christmas Cards

As for planning ahead for your Christmas cards… This can be done by starting out by making yourself a Christmas card list. This list should compile of people you actually like, family (because it doesn’t matter if you do or do not like them) you have to buy them a card and then you best friends and people close to you.

We understand that could create quite a hefty list, but at least you know you wont miss anybody. There isn’t anything more awkward then receiving a Christmas card but not sending one to that person.

Once you have your list together, go through all of our best Christmas cards and find one that can suit each of your recipients.

We usually do this by matching a type of card to their personality. For example, if they don’t have a sense of humour, get them one of our beautifully unique cards whereas if they can take a joke, get them one of our rude Christmas cards. With plenty of styles to choose from, you are bound to find something for your recipient.

Reasons to buy/send your Christmas cards early

1. Because you absolutely want them to arrive on time

There’s nothing like leaving things to chance to make an absolute mess of things. Fortunately, there’s still plenty of days left to make sure your cards arrive in time for Christmas but just don’t leave it too late or you may be in for a disappointment.

2. So your friends and relatives can enjoy them sooner

Christmas cards may be just for Christmas but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them for as long as possible throughout the weeks before. Make sure you feature on your friend’s and family’s Christmas card mantelpiece arrangements and Social Media posts for the world to see.

3. So your family overseas don’t have to wait longer than is absolutely necessary

Overseas mail has, in many cases as you can see above, much early posting dates than in the UK.

Although these dates are final dates to arrive in time. We would suggest you send earlier than the suggested dates. We advise this just in case there are any issues in the postal services. (you know what they are like!).

4. Because rushing things can lead to mistakes

Misspellings, crossings out, scrambling to find correct addresses and envelopes that fit can send the most placid of us into a wild panic. You definitely don’t want to be adding stress to your day or getting flustered, so take your time and stay focused this Christmas by planning ahead.

Not all of us have the best handwriting, the best spelling or punctuation. If you want us to write out your Christmas cards for you, make sure you leave your message in the “Personalised message box”. Just make sure the address is correct and it will get to your recipient on time.

5) Because your time is valuable

While Christmas cards may be a priority in your December calendar, we appreciate that there’s going to be a host of other tasks and events to be getting on with and you may find yourself pushed for time. Having another thing checked off your list as early as possible frees you up for other things and keeps your priorities in order.

You don’t want to be rushing around in mid to late December searching for presents & Christmas cards. Post them early so that you can sit in Costa and enjoy your gingerbread latte in peace whilst you watch the unorganised people rush around.

6) So you’ve got one less thing to worry about

The nail-biting worry about your cards arriving on time or at all is simply not worth the anguish. Give yourself peace of mind, and even take advantage of our special handwritten card service, available alongside each card at Creased and we’ll mail the card for you so you don’t have to!

7) Because leaving it late leaves you with less choice on what to send

You know that perfect card you saw for your Mum that you thought you’d come back for tomorrow? Well, the later you leave things to increase the chances that it may already be gone.

If you leave it too late you will certainly miss out on all of our very best designs. You will be left with something plain and boring… And you don’t want that, do you?

As soon as postage companies release their official postage dates for Christmas 2020, we will update this article.

Santa holding a present

2. Christmas Budget

This tip you could quite easily include in planning ahead, but we think there is too much to be considered a first step.

First up, you need to budget your spending on each person for gifts. The best way to do this is to list everyone you are buying for this year and give them a single budget for each person. AND STICK TO IT!

Once you have a budget together, calculate the final budget and figure out if and how you can afford it. If not, consider cutting present exchanges that should have ended years ago.

The next step to budgeting at Christmas would be creating a list for cards. We mentioned this in the previous Christmas survival tip but this time you need to plan whether your recipient is special enough to receive a single Christmas card or will you send them one out of a 10 pack?

This will give you ways of saving money by sending certain people Christmas cards from a set or cutting people from your list.

Our third tip would be to make sure you budget for other Christmas spending such as Christmas trees & Christmas food.

Saving on Christmas trees can be easy, if you haven’t already, go to ASDA, M&S or somebody and go grab a fake Christmas Tree. This automatically saves you the yearly £45. Another tip… stop buying new decorations! No one notices…

Here are a few top tips on Christmas on a budget

Stop with unimportant gift giving

Agree with family and friends that you should skip the present giving this year. – This is usually just a tradition that lead to both parties feeling too awkward to stop and feeling pressured to buy. Speak to them, they are probably agree

Buy Cheaper Christmas food

Just because it’s Christmas, it doesn’t mean you should overspend on food that you don’t need. Stick to the quality of food you would usually purchase. You don’t need to shop at M&S just because it’s christmas.

Boost funds before Christmas

This is an excellent idea for creating a Christmas fund in the weeks/months approaching Christmas. The best method for this is by selling unused items on Ebay or Depop. You will be surprised how much you can get for some of your “junk”.

Search the web for Cheaper gifts

The problem with shopping in shops is that you lack the opportunity to find the same product for cheaper. By using online shopping, you can search many different sites for the cheapest possible price. You could even reduce this further by using discount codes. Honey is a great tool to find the cheapest gifts this Christmas.

With the internet you also have the chance to shop on eBay. This could save you lots of money with your gift buying this year.

Order presents early

Ordering presents early allows you to get the cheapest stock possible but also opens the door for extremely cheap small Christmas bits which will be sold out by the end of November.

When ordering your presents early, this also gives you the opportunity for early delivery. You can use the web to find the cheapest costs possible. One of our favourite providers are parcel monkey.

We hope that helps you out a bit? If you want to find more money saving help for Christmas. This Christmas money planner is extremely useful.

3. Decorating the tree

Leading on from the previous Christmas tip…

This one we will keep short and simple. Stop stressing about what the decorations look like!! No, your tree doesn’t have to be colour coordinated or look like a piece of art. Just stick it on, so it doesn’t look bare.

If you have children, this is a perfect time to sit back relax and let them do the work. They will enjoy all that whilst you can grab some well-deserved relaxation time. If you have a little bit of time on your hands during your relaxation…

Christmas trees

4. Cleaning

This step only really applies to households who are hosting the Christmas festivities. If you aren’t, you can skip to the next tip.

If you are hosting family or friends and you are stressing about the state of your house. You have to calm down! If you give your house a big clean a day or two before Christmas day then everything will be fine. There is no need to panic and stress about the tiniest thing that falls out of place.

5. Dealing with the Christmas parties

It’s that time of year where you have to participate in Christmas drinking, secret Santa and the annoying parties. This can be even worse if you hate your work colleagues…

Our first tip for surviving your Christmas do is to not drink too much. This may be obvious, but we know some of you are lightweights. The reason for not drinking too much is firstly so that you don’t embarrass yourself, secondly so you don’t make any mistakes, thirdly and most important, so that you don’t tell your work colleagues about your deep dark secrets.

Now we’ve got onto what you shouldn’t do at a work party, let’s get onto what you should do.

Get to know your work colleagues better, even if you don’t like them because it could make the upcoming year ten times more manageable. You never know, you may make a new friend.

Secondly, is how to deal with the hangovers at work. If you’re anything over 25, you should have learnt the ways of dealing with a hangover by now. A secret tip from us is… Drink sprite. Trust us, it works!

6. Dealing with Family Members

We all love our family members… But this does not mean we should be stuck having to be with them for a whole day on the biggest festivity of the year. We’ve come together and packed all our experience into a few brilliant tips!

Firstly, You have to make sure you don’t get them a rubbish present or card! This is a very important tip. A but hurt family member, will no doubt, be moody and a little rude if you have given them a half-assed 99p card and a Lynx gift set (We would be disappointed too). Avoid this by checking out our brilliant cards for Relations; we are stocking cards for every single member of your family. If you would prefer a more general Christmas card then we won’t be disappointed, with over 200 designs on our website.

Secondly,

Listen to their boring stories… If you accept your fate and just smile and nod, you’ll find their conversations a lot more bearable. It is a lot less stressful than trying to avoid them all day. Hopefully, they will get bored of talking to you after a while.

Our last tip and probably the most common with us,

If you get a little tipsy throughout the day, you will probably have a more enjoyable day no matter who is there. Although, if you are not drinking on the day or at all for that thought, we hope you can find your own coping mechanism for these irritating family members.

Once the dinner has been destroyed and you are just left with turkey leftovers for your dinner over the next 5 days.  It’s time to sit back relax…. And fall asleep halfway through a film/programme you have been looking forward to all day.

 That’s it, months of preparation and stress to just prematurely fall asleep…

We have found another huge list of hilarious tips to battle through Christmas which we are sure everyone can relate too (Not just students)

For our wonderful customers, we would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and to check out our full Christmas Collection…

Recent Articles

Christmas crackers on a red background

Top 90 Best (or Worst) Christmas Cracker Jokes

Tis the season to be jolly, and all that malarkey. Hence us giving you the 80 of the funniest Christmas cracker jokes we could find.

When it comes to Christmas day some people look forward to different things, some enjoy giving Christmas presents, some enjoy receiving funny Christmas cards and some enjoy the Christmas dinner.

There is one category that is missing there… Christmas cracker jokes!

We absolutely love crossing arms and ripping those crackers. Quick tip for you, if you place your fingers slightly further up on the break of the cracker, you are guaranteed to win your cracker.  

Usually, once everyone has done, you will check out what gift, Christmas cracker joke you received. Then finally placing the oh so famous Christmas hat onto your head…

Choosing the right Christmas crackers can be make or break. We have often made the mistake of buying something cheap and last minute, to find that the gift is a shoddy cheap rubbish mirror. At the end of the day although, it is just a bit of fun and the gift just adds to it!

If you want to find the best Christmas crackers for gifts you can find a brilliant list over at idealhome. Here are a couple they have suggested:

  • Hobbycraft Fillable Crackers– best make your own Christmas crackers
  • Amazon Whitley Neill Gin Crackers – best alcohol Christmas crackers

Read more over on their blog to find many more Christmas cracker options.

Now that we have got that out of the way, we will get to the big event and what everyone wants to see – The top 90 Christmas cracker jokes.

Christmas cracker jokes are the best part of opening a cracker, the excitement to see how cheesy & funny the next joke is going to be is a brilliant feeling.

If you have been affected with the dreaded curse of Crackers without jokes, then you can use our massive list to either create your own or tell them whilst you are around the dinner table.

Let’s jump straight in

Christmas Cracker Jokes

  1. Why was the turkey in the pop group? – Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
  2. What do you call a boomerang that does not come back? – A Stick
  3. Why did Santa’s little helper see the doctor? – Because he had low “elf” esteem.
  4. When do vampires like horse racing? – When it’s neck and neck
  5. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? – A barber-queue
  6. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? – Claustrophobia!
  7. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? – He was picking his nose
  8. What did Santa do when he went speed dating – He pulled a cracker
  9. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? – Neigh-bours
  10. How do snowmen get around? – By riding an ‘icicle
  11. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas – The Mince Spy
  12. What has four legs but can’t walk? – A table
  13. What do frogs wear on their feet? – Open Toad Sandals
  14. Why are pirates called pirates? – Because they arrrrrr
  15. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? – Tinsillitis
  16. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? – A nervous wreck
  17. What did 52% of Brits order for Christmas dinner? – No Brussels
  18. What school subject are snakes best at? – Hisssstory
  19. What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party? – Freeze a jolly good fellow
  20. What do you get if you cross Santa with a Duck? – A Christmas Quacker

A great way to include Christmas cracker jokes in your festivities would be by putting them inside a Christmas card. We beg you, be unique with what you write inside your cards this year!

Please stop with the boring stuff… Check out what to write in Christmas cards if you are still struggling.

Let’s battle on with the rest of our Christmas cracker jokes…

  • What athlete is warmest in winter? – A long jumper
  • What kind of music do elves listen to? – Wrap
  • What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? – A Holly Davidson
  • Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? – Because they were two deer
  • Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? – It’s two-tyred
  • What’s the most popular Christmas wine? – I don’t like sprouts
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? – Frostbite
  • How do you make an octopus laugh? – ten-tickles
  • What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? – Dam
  • What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? – Lost
  • What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? – Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  • Which country has the largest appetite? – Hungary
  • Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? – Beyon-Sleigh
  • How will Brexit affect Christmas Dinner? – No Brussels.
  • Why did the orange take a prune to his Christmas party? Because he couldn’t find a date.
  • What do you call a blind reindeer? – No eye-deer
  • Do you think Rudolph went to school? – No, he was elf-taught
  • Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles.
  • Why does your nose get tired in winter? – It runs all day
  • What does a frog do if his car breaks down? – He has it toad

How are you finding them so far?

The Best Christmas Cracker Jokes

  • What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? – Hornaments
  • What has four wheels and flies? – A bin lorry
  • How did Scrooge win the football match? – The ghost of Christmas passed
  • What do you get if you lie under a cow? – A pat on the head
  • What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? – Time to get a new fence
  • Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? – Santa Jaws
  • What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? – He gives them the sack
  • Why is it getting so hard to buy advent calendars? – Their days are numbered
  • What do snowmen wear on their heads? – Ice caps
  • How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? – He keeps a logbook
  • Why is the school football pitch always soggy? – because the players are always dribbling
  • Who is Santa afraid of? – The Elf and safety officer
  • What is the fastest fish in the world? – A motor pike
  • Why did Micky Mouse travel into space? – He was looking for Pluto
  • What type of room has no windows or doors? – a Mushroom
  • What is an ig? – An Eskimo home without a loo!
  • What do you call a bee with a quiet hum? – a mumble bee
  • How do you keep cool at a football match? – you stand next to a fan
  • What are two rows of cabbages called? – A dual cabbage way
  • What do mice do in the daytime? – Mousework
Christmas crackers

That’s 60 hilariously cheesy Christmas cracker jokes… Not found one that you want to use yet? or maybe you’re loving them so much you can’t get enough?

Here goes the next 30…

  • What do sea monsters eat? – fish and ships
  • What do you call an Eskimo Cow? – an Eskimoo
  • What do you give a dog for Christmas? – A mobile bone
  • Why did the pony have to gargle? – Because it was a little hoarse
  • What did the salt say to the pepper? – Seasons greetings
  • Why did the turkey cross the road? – Because he wasn’t a chicken
  • Why is a foot a good Christmas gift? – Because it’s a great stocking filler
  • What is the wettest animal in the world? – A raindeer
  • What do elves eat for breakfast? – frosted flakes
  • What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree? – Nice gnawing you.
  • What do you call a cat that works for Santa? – Santa claws
  • What reindeer has the worst manners? – Rude-olph
  • What do elves learn in school? – The elf-abet
  • What says Oh Oh Oh? – Santa walking backwards
  • What has eight arms and tells the time? – A Clocktopus
  • Who was the world’s first underwater spy? – James pond
  • Why are cooks cruel? – they beat eggs, whip cream and batter fish
  • Why did the turtle cross the road? – It was the chickens day off
  • What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? – Twerky.
  • How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed? You’ve got three extra hoes.

Rude Christmas Cracker Jokes

  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?
    Snowballs.
  • Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own?
    He only comes once a year.
  • Why did the Snowman want a divorce?
    Because his wife was a total flake.
  • Why is Santa so damn jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
  • What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? Whatever you want. He can’t hear you
  • Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.
  • Why does Santa land on the roof? Because he likes it on top.
  • Why are Christmas trees better than men? Even the small ones give satisfaction.
  • Why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus? He refused to let go of all those irritating ho’s.
  • Boy: Are you Christmas? ‘Cause I wanna merry you! Girl: Are you Hall? Cause I wanna deck The Hall.

Now how did you find that? That is 90 of our best (or worst) Christmas cracker jokes!

If you have a bit more of a crude sense of humour and the Christmas cracker jokes above seem a little too “tame” for your liking. We have actually already developed a list of rude jokes that you may like… Perfect for our rude Christmas cards.

Latest Articles

Christmas wishes

What to write in a Christmas card?

Are you always stuck on ideas for what to write inside your Christmas cards? We’re the same!

Here are the recipients we cover in this article

Whether you’re sending a Christmas card out to a load of work colleagues or maybe it’s a special Christmas card for a family member or loved one? Either way, we always purchase a card and then sit there without a clue for what to write inside the Christmas card.

The type of message you write inside your Christmas card will depend on your recipient. You won’t be writing something rude in a Christmas card to your Mum will you? We hope not. You have got to think about what you write so that it can be special and unique.

We all struggle with our Christmas wishes, so we thought we would bring together a nice list of some of the best wishes you can put in a Christmas card.

Classic Christmas card wishes

  • · Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
  • · Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and happy holidays. (and lots of presents)
  • · Hoping you can feel love, joy, and peace this Christmas season.
  • · Happy Christmas
  • · Merry Christmas with lots of love.
  • · The [insert name here] family wishes you and all those close to you a joyous holiday season and a new year filled with happiness
  • · Wishing you peace, love and laughter this holiday season
  • · Have yourself a very merry Christmas… and an amazingly awesome new year!
  • · We hope you are surrounded by beauty and comfort this Christmas season.
  • · I hope you are reminded of all the most important things in your life this Christmas. Merry Christmas!
  • · May your family have a holiday season that is full of wonderful surprises, treats and nonstop laughter.
  • · Happy Holidays! I hope all of your Christmas wishes come true.
  • · Wishing you lots of love this Christmas
  • · Merry Christmas! Wishing you all the happiness this holiday
Browse our christmas cards

You might be looking at all of these thinking “I have read these messages a hundred times over…”

Exactly, these are considered the boring and generic Christmas wishes. These types of messages make you completely skip the reading just to find out who’s stuffed £10 in the card (if the money didn’t already distract you).

Another issue with the generic Christmas wishes is, well, they are generic and impersonal. One way you can personalise these Christmas messages is to make them directed towards family members. This can be done by either mentioning the family member by doing something like this… “Wish a merry Christmas to the best auntie around!” or you could come up with something sweet and meaningful.

We thought we’d help you out of course!

Christmas Wishes for Family

  • · You can’t choose your family, but even if you could, I’d still choose you. Merry Christmas! Looking forward to spending some time with you this Christmas.
  • · Having parents like you is the best Christmas gift there ever could be.
  • · So glad we’re family…and so grateful for all the great Christmas memories we share.
  • · We’re going to have so much fun this Christmas! I can’t wait to cook up a storm and then feast like there’s no tomorrow!
  • · Your support over the last year has meant the world to me. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of family. Happy Christmas!
  • · I’m so thankful to have been blessed with such a wonderful family who I can share this Christmas with!
  • · I hold a special place in my heart for my family, the greatest gift of all. Let’s get smashed this Christmas!
  • · This time of year, I’m especially grateful for a family like you.
  • · I couldn’t hope for more at Christmas than a holiday surrounded by the family I love.
  • · Family is what Christmas is all about. So grateful for you!

As you can tell from the Christmas wishes above, these are all directed at families. This is brilliant and all, but these wishes don’t include the personalisation of directing them at a singular family member. When writing to your Brother, Mum, Grandparents or your Husband, this is where it can become that slight bit harder. Here is our extensive list of Christmas wishes for family members.

Christmas Wishes for Brother & Sister

  • · Happy Christmas Bro/Sis! Thanks for annoying me my whole life
  • · Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. To my dearest brother/sister, Hoping this card lights up your holiday season!
  • · For My Brother/Sister, Merry Christmas. As children, we spent every Christmas together. I couldn’t be more glad to be spending it with you again this year
  • · For My Brilliant Brother/Super Sister, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Hoping this holiday season bring you everything you wished for
  • · I hope you’ve bring lots of alcohol this Christmas – We’ve got Mum & Dad to deal with
  • · I hope Father Christmas is good to you this year, even if you didn’t make it to the nice list again. The better sibling is always treated the best
  • · You’ve seen me good, bad, and in between. And you’ve stuck with me all that time. Sure, maybe it’s because we’re related and you have no choice. But still, I appreciate it. Merry Christmas Bro/Sis
  • · Brother/Sister, we are definitely siblings. Anybody can see that we are both the creme de la creme.
  • · Hope you’ve been working on those stinky feet. I would hate for Santa to pass you by because he can’t take the smell! Merry Christmas!
  • · You’re great..because you’re SO MUCH LIKE ME!! Merry Christmas!
  • · To My Brother/Sister, Nobody could replace you. Trust me; I could never give up rinsing you 24/7. Merry Christmas!

Christmas wishes for parents

  • · Merry Christmas To My Wonderful Parents
  • · Dear Mum & Dad, Wishing you a happiest and joyful Christmas! Merry Christmas!
  • · Dear Parents, I wish you a very happy Christmas and holiday season. I hope you enjoy this day and every day of your life to the fullest. Love you.
  • · I think of you always, Mum and Dad, especially during the holidays. I hope you have the best Christmas ever. You deserve it.
  • · When I think about Christmas, I realise the best gift of all is two as my parents. Have an amazing Christmas!
  • · I know I have been a pain at times but thank you for all the amazing Christmas’ you gave me as a child. Merry Christmas!
  • · Very grateful for all the Christmas’ you gave me, I hope I can do as well as you done for your grandchildren.
  • · I can’t believe that I’m lucky enough to have you guys. Have a wonderful Christmas!
  • · Finally, I can spend Christmas with the most amazing parents on the planet! We’re gonna have so much fun together, as we always do. Merry Christmas
  • · Dad, are you ready for a big surprise? No? Then it’s time to do that! I promise that this Christmas will be the best Christmas ever. Be ready for everything!
  • · Do you remember Christmas when I was a child? It was amazing, I wish we could go back!

Romantic Christmas wishes for your partner

  • I am so lucky to have you, Merry Christmas my love!
  • Spending my Christmas with my soul mate is all I’ve ever wanted. Let’s have an amazing Christmas
  • Your love is the best gift I could have asked for! Merry Christmas my wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend
  • Christmas is always so special because we spend it together. Merry Christmas, darling!
  • Beyond any other gift I could receive on Christmas, you are the best! Merry Christmas!
  • Of all Christmases that have gone before, this one will be the best because you are here!
  • The most important decoration I need for Christmas is mistletoe! I’ll use any reason to kiss you!
  • It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And you are most wonderful part of my life -whether it’s Christmas or any other time of year!
  • Merry Christmas. Christmas is more special now that you are in my life and I look forward to many more holidays together.
  • Merry Christmas. There is no one in the world I would rather be with on Christmas day than you. I love you with all my heart.

We think they are lovely, although, are a little on the wet side… It’s time to head into much more enjoyable waters…

Funny cards are easily the most popular selection in the UK. We absolutely love a good joke! In fact, the UK is well known for having a very unique sense of humour… Other nations just don’t understand some of our jokes.

Therefore this year we want you to be writing the funniest Christmas messages your recipient has ever seen! Make sure they are different and absolutely hilarious!

Funny Christmas Wishes

If you’re going to buy one of our funny Christmas cards, we expect you’ll want the message to be as funny as the card? Why don’t you try a couple of these crackers…?

  • · I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU but, I could really do with some money
  • · For Christmas, I got you pants with an elastic waistline that you can wear through January. You’re welcome.
  • · Christmas is supposed to be a happy time of the year. How can I be happy when I have spent all my money on presents for you?
  • · People Say Santa isn’t real, where is the proof that he isn’t…
  • · So, it’s Christmas again, another extended holiday to drink as much as you can without worrying about going to work and other things that need your sober attention.
  • · I’m trying something new this Christmas. I’m going to wrap myself up and sleep under the Christmas tree, so you’ll finally understand what a gift I am to you.
  • · I hope the holidays find you in good spirits! And by spirits, I do mean alcohol.
  • · If I had to between you and Santa. I’d probably choose you, only for the fact that it’s extremely weird how some old guy breaks into my house to give me gifts. If he wasn’t old, I’d choose him…
  • · Merry drunk! I’m am so Christmas!
  • · Santa saw your Facebook – you’re getting a dictionary this year!
  • · I hope your December 25th is amazing this year. If you have an awful day on December 27th, that’s alright. It’s really just the 25th I care about.
  • · Merry Christmas to someone who’s definitely not on my “nice” list!
  • · Wishing you whatever jingles your bells!
  • · Money is scarce, times are hard, but I still managed to get you a Christmas card. So bloody enjoy it!
  • · Do you know why this Christmas card is so wonderful? Because it isn’t an email and it isn’t a text.
  • · Can I please have your picture so I can show Santa what I don’t want for Christmas?
  • · “You can never get too many lynx sets at Christmas” – Donald Trump
  • · “My favourite Christmas gift to receive is a pair of socks” – The Queen
  • · Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year
  • · There’s snowbody like you, Happy Christmas!
  • · Get your fat pants ready, it’s Christmas… oh wait! you’re already wearing them
  • · Here’s to a season filled with amazing food and alcohol!
  • · This Christmas, may your family be functional and all your batteries be included.
  • · Merry Christmas! May your happiness be large and your bills be small.
  • · The best thing about the holidays is getting to catch up on sleep and TV shows. Not to forget the food… Enjoy!
  • · Why is it so difficult to think of what to write in a Christmas card?
  • · I enjoy my time with you at Christmas almost as much as I enjoy my time shopping for your present, which brings me little enjoyment
  • · It’s time for our ugly sweaters. It’s Christmas time!
  • · The most beautiful part about Christmas is that it’s the last day of all the holiday stress.
  • · You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.

There are some funny Christmas wishes you could stick in your Christmas card this year. If you do want to write a nice Christmas message but still include something funny in the card somewhere, why not include a joke?

Get your recipient laughing. If they haven’t already cracked up from the card itself.

Farter christmas -funny christmas card

Funny Christmas Jokes

Here are a few Christmas jokes you could include to liven it up…

  • · What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
  • · Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
  • · Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A Mince Spy.
  • · What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
  • · What do you call a singing elf with sideburns? Elfis.
  • · Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care!
  • · How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
  • · Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
  • · How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels!
  • · Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!

You can find 100 more Christmas jokes over on I news

Those are some classic Christmas cracker style jokes you could include in your Christmas cards to get your recipient giggling. All of our Christmas jokes & messages have been pretty PG so far.

How about we show you some Rude Christmas wishes & jokes? We’ll throw in some of our really rude Christmas cards too…

Rude Christmas Wishes

As for rude Christmas messages let’s go with some offensive ones;

  • · Happy Christmas you CUNT/TWAT/SHITFACE/DICKHEAD etc. Let your imagination go wild with this one. Just insert any offensive word after Happy Christmas
  • · I hope you get fuck all this Christmas because you don’t deserve anything nice
  • · You can’t use Christmas as an excuse for your weight gain because you’re already a fat fuck
  • · Sorry your present is shit, I spent all my money on alcohol
  • · Santa comes once a year, just like you
  • · I hate this day, I only got you a fucking card because you always get me one
anything to do with you - rude christmas card

If you like those, then you probably have the same sense of humour as us. Although, please be careful what you write to certain people. They may take it very badly. You wouldn’t want to spoil their Christmas.

Rude Christmas Jokes

We’ll end this blog post with a few rude Christmas jokes. If you see one you like, do not repeat it to your Grandparents or ANY children!

  • · Why does Mrs Claus always pray for a white Christmas? Because she is married to a guy who comes once a year.
  • · How does Santa stay STD free? His motto is –  Always Wrap your package before you shove it down a chimney
  • · What’s the difference between male & female Snow people? The Snowmen have snowballs
  • · Why does Santa go to strip clubs? To visit all his ho ho ho’s

If you like rude jokes, we have a list of over 60 of the best rude jokes. They aren’t Christmas related but they are hilarious.

Remember, we have a handwritten card service that helps provide cards & laughs across the land! If you type into the ‘+ Hand write & Send My Card’ boxes which is next to every eligible item on its individual listing page you’ll be using our Handwritten Card Service. In the box, you can specify the text you wish us to write in the card you’re buying before adding it to your basket and then we’ll neatly write the card and send it directly to the recipient for you!

We hope you get us writing some belly tickling messages in our handwritten orders!

Related Articles

20 Actually Funny Birthday Cards

Top 20 Actually Funny Birthday Cards

Love them or hate them, cards remain a central part of the birthday tradition. Increasingly people are turning away from tired, cliché-ridden cards and towards fresher, funnier designs. Not every Birthday card has to be ‘bad’ – it can be delightfully tacky, downright offensive and coincidentally, quite funny.

Today we’ve delved into the most humorous corners of our site for a look at 20 of the funniest birthday cards we love, which are sure to get even grumpiest of sod’s sides splitting.

Jokes about someone’s age provoke a variety of reactions. When you’re 12 and it’s your Mum’s 40th birthday, you’ll likely find a card about her age hilarious. She will most likely not. If you’re going to bring attention to someone’s age, the key is to be clever about it so they can’t be too cross.

Did you know we are currently in the golden age for Birthday Cards?

We are no longer receiving those generic Birthday cards that you could buy in multi-packs from the local Tesco. There are so many options to choose from thanks to the digital age and the advancements in design.

Therefore, this has led to people moving away from the typical Birthday cards and onto something much funnier.

Nowadays it’s hard to even look at the traditional cards when you have such a huge variety of better cards to choose from.

Here are 20 of our current favourite birthday cards!

Funny Birthday Cards

20. One year closer to death

One Year Closer To Death - Humorous Birthday Card

This macabre take on ageing is great for fans of dead-pan humour, and a great choice for your friend who is panicking about turning 30 without the Facebook engagement pics to prove it. Just maybe don’t send it to your widowed Grandmother, yeah?

Be careful with this choice of card, some people may take offence to this, especially if they are all grey and old…

19. Tosser

Tosser - Humorous Greeting Card (Cat Related)

You’ve seen this birthday card a million times before. It’s by far, one of our best-selling cards.

For animal lovers, this funny birthday card offers a witty take on the furry friend card theme. The purrfect card for that friend with a miserable moggy, or for that family member who loves their cat a bit too much and needs to be reminded who really belongs in the will.

We’re not surprised this card does so well, how many of you believe your cat loves you… but deep down, your cat would leave you for another owner as soon as they provided, he/she with some food. Just let that sink in…

If you love sending funny birthday cards but are terrible at remembering dates, you might rely heavily on social media to jog your memory. If you see it’s a close friend or family member’s birthday on Facebook, chances are the opportunity to get a card to them in time has long since passed.

18. I didn’t forget

Didnt forget - funny belated birthday card

Let’s face it, when you get older it becomes harder to remember birthdays, we’re all just so busy! But in all honesty, if it’s a close friend or member of the family. You shouldn’t forget, but it happens…

Why not break the ice with a belated birthday card letting them know you didn’t actually forget their birthday… You just, errr, got trampled by a crazed ostrich?

17. Family member least ashamed to be related too

Family Member Im Least Ashamed To Be Related To (Cloud Nine) - Humorous Birthday Card

We all have it, those family members you have to speak to when you go to those big family gatherings. Which by the way, does anyone enjoy?

Anyway, back to those annoying family members. You know the ones who you look at and think, surely, I’m not related to you? It could be your second cousin who has featured on Jeremy Kyle or your nutjob uncle who you feel like must have killed someone?

Whoever it is, this card is perfect for that one person you’re not too ashamed to be related too.

16. Making birthdays great again

Making Birthdays Great Again - Humorous Birthday Card

Is there much we need to say about this orange man?

His whole stay in the White House has been built around hate and, of course, memes. Every single week he seems to post another ridiculous tweet which gets destroyed in the press.

Hey ho, he’s good to laugh at, especially if your recipient loves a good Donald Trump joke.

15. Happy Bee Day

Happy Bee Day - Humorous Birthday Card

We all love puns, especially if they are related to our favourite insect. There seems to be a huge trend for bees at the moment. Every Instagram influencer seems to have a bee tattoo, necklace or some other piece of jewellery.

As a result of this trend, we’d thought we’d show you his funny birthday card covered in bee puns!

14. Any drugs? Alcohol?

Got Everything - Humorous Greetings Card

This sounds like a pretty lively birthday for this driver. We assume that the driver is only carrying these items and has not already drunk or taken drugs. Wait until you get to your destination before you start all that…

It does confuse us why police ask this question. If you had any illegal substances on you, you aren’t likely to tell them, are you?

Don’t see this card as an influence, drugs are bad and must be avoided…

*This card is in no way supporting drink/drug driving*

13. Fountain of youth

fountain of youth - funny birthday card

Sorry to break it to you old, wrinkly and grey-haired people but… There is no special fountain of youth or formula to get you looking and feeling young again.

Did you know there actually was a fountain of youth? The Fountain of Youth is a spring that supposedly restores the youth of anyone who drinks or bathes in its waters. This tale was first discovered to be around in the 5th Century BC. Pretty cool right?

Well no, it’s a tale, and although this bath probably did exist, we highly expect it didn’t restore your fresh babyface.

12. One year nearer the grave

heres a bit of glitter - funny birthday card

Similarly, to the card earlier in the blog, although, this one has a bit more of a sarcastic edge to it…

With this card, you can put them down a few levels just to attempt to bring them up again with a gift of glitter. Hilariously half-assed, we love it!

11. Bad Influence

Bad influence - funny birthday card

Lifelong friends are great, aren’t they? You have all those years of memories, of all the bad decisions you’ve made, all the mess and all the fun.

But it gets to a point in your friendship where you are still acting like you’re 21 again, but neither of you are grown up enough to be a good influence.

This funny birthday card is perfectly relatable to remind your friend, you are both a bad influence.

Humorous Birthday Cards

We have 10 funny birthday cards left, what’s your thought on our top 20 birthday cards so far?

10. Surprise my liver

Just to surprise my liver - humorous birthday card

Big fan of your gin? Or your vodka cranberries? Sometimes it’s good to have a little break from all the alcohol you’ve consumed over the weekends. Especially in your 20s, you’d need an ocean to recover your liver from that much drinking!

This card is perfect for the drinkers out there, surprise your liver, stay hydrated… then drink a little more.

9. You’re welcome

waffle - humorous birthday card

Does anyone else remember the days where you would receive hundreds of birthday cards and presents then suddenly you have your 19th birthday and it goes down to about 1/3 of what you used to get. Sad times…

Well, this card is perfect, you can let them know that you won’t be getting them any presents, instead, this funny birthday card telling them that this is all they will get.

8. You look like a before picture

before picture - funny birthday card

We all know someone like this… It may be horrible, but we all know those people who have been going to slimming world for years yet have never posted an update to their before picture. And if they do, they are celebrating losing one pound of weight…

Another meaning for this card could be just to rinse your ugly friend… Funny right?

7. We’re gonna need more candles

Gonna need more candles - funny birthday card

Just a heads up, this begins at 30. Before then you are still considered young but as soon as you hit the big 3-0 you start to feel old. When you get to this point as well, it’s too difficult to fit 30 candles onto a cake.

This leads to purchasing milestone birthday candles because it’s just impossible to fit that many candles on a cake. So basically, this funny birthday card is for anyone over the age of 30. You’re welcome old people!

6. A number of years ago

This day a number of years ago - humorous birthday card

We have plenty of friends or family members who we have no clue how old they are. Either because you just don’t care or you’re just very forgetful.

Therefore, Deadpan came up with this funny birthday card. It perfectly executes how to say happy birthday when you don’t care how old they will be.

5. Back massage

back massage - humorous birthday card

How relatable is this card? Have you even got into the actual back massage before their intentions change?

We just wanted a back massage! Why does it always change? The knots in my back won’t get rid of themselves…

4. Low cost and in a hurry

low cost and in a hurry - funny birthday card

Have any of you had to put your parents/grandparents into a nursing home yet? It can be a very difficult decision, with plenty to choose from.

In the end though, are you going to be a horrible child/grandchild and put them into somewhere to save yourself some money. Or are you going to be stingy and pick something low cost and quick because you want that new handbag?

Make your decision wisely…

3. Dad I’m Pregnant

Dad i'm pregnant - funny birthday card

We love this one! Give your dad a bit of a heart attack on his birthday with this funny card.

Let’s hope he doesn’t have his glasses with him so he can’t read the bottom bit. This gives more time for him to believe it!

A nice touch to this, if he would love you to be pregnant, would be to put a message inside explaining that you are actually pregnant. I’m sure that’ll make him the happiest soon-to-be-grandad out there.

2. When I say happy, I mean drunk

I mean drunk - funny birthday card

Big birthday celebrations are always great. We’re not sure why but everything tends to be better on your birthday. Go out get free drinks off your friends and get absolutely smashed! The whole feeling around drinking on your birthday is just so much better than a typical Saturday night!

1. Get you a nasty look

Nasty look - funny birthday card

We know it’s their birthday and you should probably be nice to them. But… We think it’s much more fun to be a bit horrible on their birthday. It brings you enjoyment doesn’t it?

That’s the final card in our top 20 list of funny birthday cards.

Christmas Banner for Blog (1)

Why Do We Send Christmas Cards?

Modern Christmas cards date back to 1846 and a man called Sir Henry Cole, yet he is just one of the many minds that have brought about the concept of Christmas cards over the last few thousand years.  So, why do we still send them?

Looking briefly at the history of Christmas Cards helps us understand their place in today’s world…

Exploring the History of Christmas Cards

An Ancient Chinese Greeting Card

The Chinese and the Egyptians had the original idea of sharing greetings via written messages – mainly around New Year’s celebration at first (not New Year as we know it now of course!).  It is thought those ancient greetings were only sent to ward off evil spirits across both cultures and not sent at other times of the year.  Of course, they also bore no similarities to the types of cards we are all used to these days!

Sending of cards really started to evolve once printing presses became mechanized as well as the later arrival of postage stamps and an industrial postal system.

Why do we send Christmas Cards

This is where Sir Henry Cole came into play – he is widely credited with inventing the commercial Christmas card, as well as being involved in many other innovative things for the era, such as the Great Exhibition – which helped (through its surplus funds), to found the V&A Museum in London, along with driving forward the introduction of the Penny Post.

This is a picture of the first commercially produced Christmas Card back in the 1840s!

First Christmas Card

The idea of sending cards on certain days like New Year’s and Valentine’s Day had already occurred, therefore it made sense to start thinking about creating a commercial industry based on Christmas cards alone.

And whilst clearly designs and styles of cards have changed since then, the principal hasn’t changed much at all in over 150 years!

Studies Prove Emotional Connection

In light of technological advances in those 150 years, it might seem a bit silly to some, to still be sending proper physical Christmas cards, yet a study commissioned by the Royal Mail showed that there are still numerous reasons why cards continue to stick around.

The study showed that an overwhelming 72% of people would prefer to receive a proper Christmas Card rather than an electronic greeting or message through e-mail or social media.  In fact, 27% of people said that would actively ignore or delete an e-card, with even more saying they thought an e-greeting was “silly” or “too generic”

The positive feelings generated by receiving any type of card, but particularly Christmas cards, are good for health and wellbeing, according to comments from cognitive neuroscientist Dr Lynda Shaw.   She said: “I firmly believe that receiving cards increases self-esteem, helps to stave off feelings of loneliness and isolation and even to ward off the early stages of depression.”

How Do You Feel When You Get a Christmas Card?

Little kid opening christmas card

I don’t know about you, but when a card is sent to me it reminds me of the person and it shows me how much they care.  They took time to communicate their feelings, instead of sending a text, using Facebook, Twitter, or other electronic methods.  They went out, spent the time to select a card, and spent their hard-earned cash to buy and send it.

Back to Dr Shaw – “time is the most precious thing we have to give, so if we spend time choosing, writing and sending a card we are helping people feel valuable and worthwhile.”

So, I believe it is about much more than simply; keeping in touch, to update a person about the last year, or to say your annual ‘hello’.  When you send a Christmas Card, you are showing that person that you are thinking about them and are, in effect, sending them a ‘pocket’ of your time – something which makes anyone feel just that little bit more special at Christmas.

At Creased, we try to find the best cards so you can make a maximum impact when sending.

The Golden Age of Christmas Cards

You may not realise, but we are currently in the golden age for Christmas Cards. We are spoiled for choice!

Can you remember back 20 years ago, how generic and typical the Christmas cards were? Nowadays we have seen a huge improvement in digital design meaning that there are thousands of talented designers lining up to be featured in retail stores, like us! Not to forget the timeless homemade designs…

We have such a huge range to choose from which means we can provide you with the very best cards possible.

With this rise in design, we have also seen a change in Christmas card trends in recent years.

bum look christmasy in this -funny christmas card - why do we send christmas cards

The Rise of Funny Christmas Cards

In recent years, people have started adapting their sense of humour to suit greeting cards… This is the same with Christmas cards. Christmas time is supposed to bring happiness and laughter. Back this up with a funny Christmas card!

On the back of the growth in Funny Christmas cards, has led to utilising the opportunity to let out their more rude side of their humour.

This has created some absolutely disgusting Christmas cards and we absolutely love it! We can finally show everyone our rude sense of humour.

12 days of drinking - fun ny christmas card - why do we send Christmas cards

Other Christmas blog posts

what to write in a get well card

What To Write In A Get Well Card? – Get Well Soon Messages

It is not always easy to find the right words to write inside a get well soon card, especially if it is a bad illness.

There are a lot of things to consider when writing the card. Firstly, it is important to know if the illness or injury is a bad one. If it is, it’s important to be comforting and supporting but not patronising. We expect they already have a hundred people asking how they are every day.

If the illness is not bad and simply just due to a small illness or small operation for example. This means that you could possibly joke about it and show a more happy and funny side.

Although your recipient might like to see a positive and more happy side in either type of situation. It’s just important to take their situation into account.

We don’t want you to be sitting, with the get well soon card in front of you without any words in it because you are overthinking for what to say. We want you to destress and have a snoop through some of our suggestions for what to write in a get well card.

We assume you already know the typical layout for what to write in a get well card so we won’t go through all of that.

Instead let’s get straight into our list of get well soon messages.

We will start off simple and work our way into more unique messages.

Classic Get Well Messages

  • Hope you feel better soon!
  • Get well soon!
  • Wishing you a speedy recovery
  • I miss you being around, get well soon
  • Feel better soon
  • Sending love and hugs
  • Hang in there, things will improve
  • Warmest wishes and hugs to you
  • Sending you the best of wishes in your recovery
  • Looking forward to seeing you back at full health

You’ve probably written or heard all of those before, haven’t you?

The above get well messages could work a treat if you don’t know the person too well. These messages show your support without having to be cheerful or sensitive to their situation.

We’re now going to dive into some more unique get well messages.

Warm Get Well Messages

  • Sending you sunshine to brighten your day and warm wishes for a speedy recovery
  • Missing you loads and can’t wait until I get to see you again! Get well soon!
  • Don’t worry, we’ll fight this together. I know we can win! You’ll be feeling better before you know it
  • Praying with you.
  • I was so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Sending lots of caring thoughts your way as you begin treatment.
  • Your only job right now is to get back on your feet.
  • I hope these flowers bring a smile to your face and speed up your recovery.
  • You are in my thoughts and prayers during your time of recovery.
  • Just take it one day at a time and in no time, you will be back to full health and up on your feet again.
  • Each day brings you closer to your recovery. Keep fighting!
  • Thinking about you today and hoping it’s a good one for you
  • Hope you feel all the love surrounding you right now
  • Just wanted to remind you how important you are to me. All my thoughts are with you.
  • You’re in all our warmest thoughts as you recover from your accident/illness
  • I look forward to your fast recovery so we can spend more time together!
  • Recovery is a process. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes everything you’ve got
  • Wishing I could take away all your pain, and sending all my love
  • You’re one of the strongest people I know – Keep fighting!
  • I hope this message lets you know how much we care and will be thinking of you. Wishing you better health
  • I am so sorry I cannot go to visit you, but I want you to know that I always think of you and pray for you to recover soon.
  • Stay positive & happy, you will recover from Covid-19 sure enough. See you back at work soon.

What do you think? The above get well wishes would definitely be better for a close loved one who is going through a serious illness or injury.

We obviously advise you personalise these to suit your recipient’s situation.

Now that we have shown you the more serious get well messages, its time to move onto the funny get well card messages.

Keep your germs to yourself -

Funny Get Well Soon Messages

  • Get well soon. I can only be nice to you for so long.
  • Your stupid illness is ruining all my attention. Get well soon.
  • Get better soon or I’ll break your leg/arm/etc again.
  • Get well soon. We can’t keep paying you sick pay.
  • I know you wanted some time off work but this was a bit extreme!
  • What a waste of a sick day… You should use them for when you’re hungover!
  • Don’t rush back, no one likes you
  • Are you sure you haven’t just got an STD?
  • I am only giving you this get well card because it’s morally expected in our society…
  • I didn’t really care; it just gave me an excuse to leave the house.
  • Medicine can fix your pain but cannot fix your ugly face.
  • Your mum told me you were sick, so I bought some get well chocolates. But, I ate them…
  • I am giving you this card so that I can say this whilst still keeping a safe distance.
  • I am hoping you get better soon. Not for yourself but I need you back.
  • Remember to milk this while you can – cos you’ll be all better soon enough!
  • Why are you complaining? You laying in bed watching TV all day is what you always want to do?
  • I will be using your belongings and borrowing some money whilst you are out of service.
  • You are sick. When will you die? Just kidding! I hope you will be better soon!
  • Funnily enough, I am really missing how annoying you are. It doesn’t feel the same
  • The only thing I’ve missed is you doing everything for me. Can you hurry up and get better now please?
  • The doctor says you are on a soft diet right now, which is good as I have eaten all of your nice food back at home
  • Take all the time you need to recover. Your work will be here whenever you feel better. It will just be piled up extremely high on your desk.
  • Feel better! But in the meantime, keep a safe distance please.
  • Get well soon so we can make fun of you again and not feel bad
  • Studies indicate that those who receive get well cards have an 80% faster recovery rate.
  • Please take care and feel better soon, because it feels too quiet without your annoying laughter.
  • I wish you could remain sick for some more days so that I don’t need your return your money.
  • Studies indicate that those who receive get well cards have an 80% faster recovery rate.
  • Getting back to health is easy enough.. it’s getting back to work that’s tough! Get well soon.
  • Please get well soon so I find you attractive again.
  • Feel better soon. I would visit, but I don’t want what you have. Also I’m kinda busy!
  • Laughter is the best medicine, or gin..
  • Sorry your sick day is due to actual sickness.
  • That’s why you should’ve worn your mask!
  • You better keep you social distance from me
  • That’s 2 weeks of self isolating. Perfect, two weeks without seeing you.

Those were much more cheerful. Don’t you think?

Those get well wishes are perfect to keep someone feeling positive and to keep them laughing whilst they are not feeling great.

It is important to boost their mood and get them feeling positive. If the funny get well messages were a little too “innocent and nice” for your recipient, you should definitely keep reading…

No cure for being a little dickhead - get well soon card

Now it’s time for our Rude & Offensive get well messages

Rude Get Well Soon Messages

  • I always knew you were sick… but not in this way
  • Sorry you feel like shit…
  • I hope you get better soon; I don’t have the money or time to attend a funeral at the moment.
  • You look like a sack of shit, get well soon
  • Get well soon. Too bad there is no cure for being a cunt
  • Can you get better asap please? I want to fuck
  • Am I in the will? If so, can you just die now please?
  • Look on the bright side, at least it’s not herpes
  • Don’t rush back to work, everyone thinks you’re a cunt
  • Be careful next time, you clumsy prick!
  • Sorry you feel shitty
  • Man the fuck up
  • Well, it can’t all be sunshine and hookers. Get well soon!
  • I hope you’re soon feeling yourself again! Not in that way…
  • Here’s hoping the worst part of your surgery will be wiping your shit with your weaker hand
  • Feel better soon. I would visit but I don’t really give that many shits
  • Get well soon – headstones are really expensive!
  • Hurry up and get better. Work is fucking boring without you
  • Fuck off with your illness. I want my attention back
  • I hate having to be nice to you. I want to go back to taking the piss out of you. Get well as soon as possible please.
  • Oh so you’re one of those dickheads not wearing a mask and mingling with other people? You deserve to get coronavirus you sick bastard.

Are they more suited to your sense of humour?

Be careful about using these get well soon messages if someone is in a more serious situation.

Does that help you for what to write in a get well card?

Related Articles

Man holding his back becaus ehe is getting old - funny cards for getting old

Funny Birthday Cards For Getting Old

As soon as you leave your twenties and turn 30, everything seems to change, you don’t seem as young as you once were.

You and everyone around you are settling down, having families and getting married. As this age is when you realise your beloved youth is now over.

It’s time to grow up!

Well, you may be getting older, but you shouldn’t let that define how you are feeling. Because we’re sure you are still feeling 21 inside?

Maybe you have already gone through a 30, 40 or 50-year-old milestone and you want to have some fun with ridiculing someone else for growing old.

Each of these milestones deserve big celebrations! You’re getting old, what’s not to be happy about?

We’re going to divide our list into sections, first up will be for anyone turning 30!

Funny 30th Birthday Cards

Turning 30 means one thing, you’re officially not young anymore.

The wrinkles are slowly kicking in… be prepared, because they will get worse. Something you should definitely warn your recipient about… Especially if you are over 30 and have some experience in the getting old sector.

So here goes, some funny 30th Birthday cards you can use to mock your recipients age.

First up, is something we have all done and you will do increasingly over the next few years, which is lie about your age!

Start lying about your age - funny 30th birthday card

It’s got to be done, especially if you are dating at the moment…

From 18, our faces and bodies change a large amount, especially if you’ve had kids. You certainly don’t look the young self you once did.

In fact, we’re sorry to break it to you, but it’s very unlikely that look any younger than 30. Even if the cashier did ask for your ID for your bottle of wine you bought in Tesco the other day.

Still look 21 from a distance - funny 30th birthday card

Just like this funny 30th Birthday card, it’s lying, you only look 21 from a distance because they forgot their glasses.

Leading on from you undoubtably looking old. You have this weird thought that everyone who is the same age as you happen to look older than 30? If they look older than 30, you must do as well…

way older - funny 30th birthday card

As you already know, growing old is compulsory, but growing up is optional…

Basically, just because you’re getting older, don’t become boring, live your life like you are still 21, with some exceptions of course.

Growing old is compulsory - funny 30th birthday card

There are many things you should probably cut out at 30, its not cool to be doing drugs anymore. You’re 30, your brain can’t deal with that anymore.

Then again, we don’t want to see you knitting or playing Bowles, you’re way too young for that!

too old for ecstasy - funny 30th birthday card

We all get tempted, but believe us now, it will begin to avoid you…

Avoiding temptation -funny 30th birthday card

What did you think of those 30th Birthday cards? Do you think you will be ridiculing someone with one of our funny 30th birthday cards?

It’s time we travel 10 more years for our funny 40th birthday cards

Funny 40th Birthday Cards

It’s a horrible realisation but it had to happen at some point, you’re beginning to look old…

You have been around for 4 decades, so we aren’t surprised you are beginning to look a bit worn out and old.

It could be the excessive amounts of alcohol for the last 20 plus years…

Weekends did all the damage - funny 40th birthday card

There is plenty that starts to decline once you reach 40 but for the unfortunate men out there, they begin to lose their hair. This could’ve started a while ago, but it would still be impressive if you still had your luxurious locks at 40.

The perfect 40th birthday card for any male who is holding onto his hair… This may be a hard one to choose for, a lot of men go are going bald early nowadays…

At least you still have your hair - funny 40th birthday card

Although your looks may be declining when compared to your younger years, this does not mean you’re “ugly” or “past it” because you’re very wrong.

be bloody fabulous - funny 40th birthday card

Just throw on your favourite outfit and believe you are 21 again…

We just had to throw this 40th birthday card into the mix, it’s absolutely perfect for how we all feel at 40! We are simply old on the outside but young in our heads.

Merely in disguise - funny 40th birthday card

Being 40 years old means that birthday cakes not only make you fat just looking at them, but it’s also impossible to fit all your birthday candles on one cake.

Were gonna need more candles - funny 40th birthday card

At 40, it’s common to talk to your friends or partner about past times when you were younger, bringing back memories from when you were young…

Who remembers this one strange memory?

Buying porn from teh newsagent - funny 40th birthday card

Now it’s time for some 50th birthday cards. Be prepared for half century fun!

Funny 50th Birthday Cards

Half a century! That’s how old you will be when turning 50. Half a century just sounds old. Maybe it’s because you are.

Your recipient will no doubt, not be looking forward to this birthday.

By this point, all you are looking forward too is your retirement… It’s not far off now…

That’s why…

Dog years youre dead - funny 50th birthday card

Did you know, from what we have found on a dog years calculator. 50 would actually be 213 in dog years. So Basically, you’d be long gone. Sorry to break it to you.

It’s impressive that you’ve made it to 50 so…

congrats on your ongoing existence - funny 50th birthday card

By now you are bound to be seeing a few little grey hairs coming through and for the men out there, 90% of you have lost a large portion of your hair…

But hey, at least you have this to look forward too with this funny 50th birthday card…

May you live long and never smell of piss - funny 50th birthday card

You may be getting on a bit, but this doesn’t mean you should stop portraying your once 18 self. It’s time to have some fun! Put the kids at one of their friend’s houses and go and enjoy being 50 with this 50th birthday card.

Prosecco on hte inside - funny 50th birthday card

Or for the men, something more extravagant

Mankini and jagerbombs - funny 50th birthday card

We know ladies, you don’t even want to think about the possibility of this happening. But it has got to happen at some point…

And now is the typical time…

Happy menopause - funny 50th birthday card

What do you think?

Enough to suit your aging friends and family?

If you’re struggling for what to write inside, make sure you check out our 60 birthday card messages to help you out. It features, rude, funny and simple birthday card messages.

Until next time!

18th birthday gifts & cards

18th Birthday Gift Ideas

Do you know someone who is approaching their 18th birthday? This could be a family member or a friend who is entering adulthood…

It’s probably time you start thinking about a nice 18th birthday gift & card to give them on their big milestone.

18th Birthdays are typically known as the age where you become an adult nowadays with less emphasis being on the 21st. Turning 21 is supposed to symbolise a higher level of maturity which certainly isn’t true. Take that from me, I still feel 18…

Although 21st Birthdays are still one of the biggest milestones out of the ages. 18th Birthdays have taken over due to turning 18 being a bigger deal and so many kids today are more grown up at 18 – Well they like to think so…

Turning 18 is massive deal, kids go from doing everything illegally, to being able to do it at as much as they want without punishment – From the law that is.

Some of the big changes that happen include legally purchasing alcohol & cigarettes, getting tattooed, buying fireworks and watching an 18 rated movie.

All those things, we expect your 18-year-old recipient has been doing for years anyway.

Now onto what you’re here to see, 18th birthday gift ideas!

18th Birthday Gift Ideas

Each gift idea is going to be partnered with one of our brilliant 18th Birthday cards, this sorts you out for everything then!

Be warned, this list will vary in price, starting with the cheaper 18th birthday gift ideas.

1. Money

This option is simple yet boring, it’s their 18th Birthday, make it special for gods sake… The only perk for this gift is that you will have to put it inside a wonderful 18th birthday card.

All things considered, money for an 18th birthday is not a bad idea. They will most likely spend it on their first big legal night out!

Of-fish-ially 18 - funny 18th birthday card

2. A Rude Mug

They are 18 now, stop treating them like a child. Every 18-year-old would appreciate some vulgar language first thing in the morning.

Lord Cuntington - Rude 18th Birthday mug
Todays mood - rude 18th birthday mug

3. Alcohol – and lots of it!

We can guarantee 90% of 18-year-olds will be drinking on their birthday. Make sure you prepare them with the very best alcoholic choices.

Beer, Wine & Vodka are the most popular options with teens.

18 today! Let's get battered - Funny 18th birthday card

4. Jewellery or clothing

 This option is a risky one, no 18-year-old wants to be dressing like an old person.

For this reason, we suggest only go for this option if your recipient has specifically given you the product that they want (Try and get the link to the website as well). If they have not given you the specific product, don’t buy it!

It’s very likely the teen will pretend they like it but never wear it.

Another option would be to purchase gift cards. Some popular shops for young people are:

5. Event Day Out

Hang gliding

This could anything from a spa day out or a day paintballing. Although, If you are paying for multiple people, this can really add up in price.

A good place to find ideas like this would be Groupon! Each voucher can perfectly fit into one of our 18th Birthday cards.

in 365 days you will be 19 and no one will care - funny 18t h birthday card

5. Technology

This is always a good option with technology nowadays. Technology completely runs youngsters lives nowadays. What 18-year-old would turn down some technology?

Options for technology can vary in Price depending the product, you could go big with a new phone, laptop or tablet or go for something more affordable with earphones and other little gadgets. – Amazon is perfect for this…

6. Pay For Their Birthday Party

This option is simple, they are going to want to party, it’s their 18th birthday… This gift would also help you out if you are a parent.

Why is it helping the parents you ask?

Your 18-year-old son or daughter is no doubt, going to ask to have a house party for which you will refuse and they wont be happy. The best solution around this would be to pay for them to have their party in a local hall or club.

7. A Holiday

This could be perfect if your child has just turned 18. You can fly them off somewhere and have some time to yourself… Sounds good to us.

This is at the expensive spectrum of our list but that is why we have put it last!

Depending on the time of year, Here are some good holiday destinations for 18 year olds:

  • Amsterdam
  • Ibiza
  • Thailand
  • Prague
  • Zante
  • Barcelona

What did you think of that? Has that given you any ideas on what to get someone for their 18th birthday?

If you’re buying a gift, you must include an 18th birthday card. It’s the rules… and if you are out of messages to write inside, we have 60 perfect birthday messages for you.

Here are two of our favourite cards for an 18th birthday:

18 Yay! Adulting! - Funny 18th Birthday Card
Time to take over the world - funny 18th birthday card
anniversary cards & dates candle and reose

Anniversary Date Ideas With Accompanying Anniversary Cards

Are you madly in love? Or are you stuck with a partner? Either way, you have been together for a period of time which means you must have an anniversary date…

Whether you have been together 1 year or 60 years, this specific day of the year is still an important date in your relationship.

The anniversary of your marriage or when you first became official should be celebrated no matter how long you have been together.

That’s if you remember your anniversary date of course…

If you are one of the good ones who remember their anniversary date, then it’s probably time to start planning gifts, cards and date ideas.

In this post, we will go through over 60 different date ideas partnered with a lovely choice of anniversary cards.

Simple anniversary dates

Simple anniversary ideas are perfect if you are both too busy to do something a bit extra, or if you just aren’t too bothered about the whole anniversary thing.

You could simply;

  • A nice anniversary card accompanied by a small gift such as flowers, chocolate etc.
  • Movie night
  • Home cooked meal
  • Doing something you both enjoy
On your anniversary - Dove anniversary card

As you can see from the simple anniversary ideas, they are very easy, cheap and suitable if you don’t have much time on your hands.

Food dates & Foodie anniversary cards

If you would like to make a bit more effort for your anniversary this year, a classic idea is going out for dinner.

This does not need to be expensive or extravagant in the slightest.

As you probably already know, we are based in the heart of Brighton, so we have a huge variety of restaurants to choose from.

So especially for our Brighton locals, we will share with you some of the best restaurants in Brighton that you could visit on your anniversary.

  1. Food for Friends – Food for friends, is a luxury vegetarian restaurant just around the corner from our Brighton store in the lovely south lanes.
  2. Isaac At – Based in our partnering North Laines, just a 5 minute walk away from Creased cards. Isaac At, is a wonderful fine dining restaurant using locally sourced ingredients to provide a modern dining experience.
  3. Bincho Yakitori – A wonderful Japanese style restaurant based in the heart of Brighton. Great price for wonderful food & great service!
  4. Terre a Terre – Another vegetarian restaurant enters our top 5. This time Terre a Terre, the high-quality local restaurant will certainly tingle your taste buds
  5. The Salt Room – You can’t visit Brighton’s well-known beaches without trying the best seafood restaurant in the city.

There are the top 5 restaurants in Brighton. If you would like to see more of the list, make sure you head over to Timeout!

If you are taking your loved one to a restaurant for your anniversary this year, you should partner your date with one of our hilarious food related anniversary cards. Check out these two below!

Always brie together - two cheeses funny anniversary card
Perfect pear - two pears anniverary card

Wedding anniversary cards & dates

When it comes to years of marriage, this leads to different types of anniversary date ideas to celebrate being together for such a long time. You can celebrate with our lovely milestone anniversary cards below.

25th wedding anniversary card
60th wedding anniversary card

If you manage to put up with your spouse for that long, we sincerely take our hats off to you. That must be true love. Or something like that…

Big milestones call for big celebrations!

Make sure you set some time together for this very special day.

All ideas on this list would be perfect a milestone wedding anniversary but if you like to go above and beyond, here are some of our extravagant anniversary date ideas you could use.

Be warned, some of these ideas may not be suitable if you are 70-80… We expect you may prefer the less extravagant ideas shown above…

Here are 5 extravagant & unique anniversary date ideas.

  1. Book a holiday – This could be anything, from a glorious beach holiday to hiking through the amazon jungle. Depends on your preference!
  2. Indulge into a spa day – Perfect, relaxing and especially what you need.
  3. A thrilling activity – Some unique ideas for you thrill seekers could be Sky diving, Helicopter ride or scuba diving.
  4. Go to a concert – The perfect anniversary date idea if you both like the same artist!
  5. Treat your loved one with a new wardrobe

We have the perfect anniversary card to accompany your extravagant date idea. Naked pogo…

Pogo partners - funny anniversary card

Rude Anniversary cards

At Creased Cards, we love all things rude! Our rude anniversary cards stand out in the bunch due to their offensive and sexual nature.

We were trying to think of some rude anniversary date ideas to accompany our rude anniversary cards, but we came to the conclusion that we should leave that down to you.

Anyhow, here are a couple of our rude anniversary cards for your partner in crime…

i did marry you, so any chance of anal - funny rude anniversary card
better learn to breathe through your ears - funny rude anniversary card

These funny anniversary cards could go down a treat with your partner, or this could go very wrong… Good luck!

Belated Anniversary cards

Finally, on our list we are going to be focusing on the forgetful lovers who have manged to forget their anniversary.

Here’s your half-hearted card you need to get your partner to make up for your forgetful ways…

You’re probably in the doghouse for forgetting your anniversary, so now it’s time to do some grovelling…

The first thing we would suggest you accompany your belated anniversary card with would be to surprise your loved one with a gift.

This doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant but a simple gift to show you are sorry and want to make it up to them could really help your case.

This could be anything from unexpected flowers to a surprise home cooked meal.

Whatever you do, be unexpected and make up for your rubbish memory.

That’s all from us. What did you think of our date ideas and accompanying anniversary cards?

If you are struggling for what to write in your anniversary card then look no further than our huge range of love related messages

Here are a couple of our favourite anniversary cards to end off the post!

eiffel tower shakies anniversary card with flowers
I want to get old and fat as fuck with you - rude anniversary card